Mcdonalds Monopoly online - fun for the proletariat
It's baaaack-Mcdonalds Monopoly online is back and ready to sell the hopes and dreams of winning millions of dollars to the United States proletariat. Yup, a billion dollar corporation is ready to hand out money if you get the right pieces playing Mcdonalds Monopoly online, so you had better rush to your nearest fast food chain and buy some extra Happy Meals so you can play Mcdonalds Monopoly online every day. Oh, are my words laced with sarcasm? Do you think I am a snob that I am not standing next to you playing the lottery at the gas station? I'm sorry.
I mean, if you really wanted to make money online the good old fashioned way- you know actually investing time in something and getting rewarded for it, you should check out this website here and follow those steps. Instead, millions of people believe that they will get rewarded by stuffing Big Macs down their throats by winning the Mcdonalds Monopoly online game. Look I can't stop you from playing the Mcdonalds Monopoly online game in an ill-attempted gamble at winning great prizes. After all, you eat at that the fast food chain anyway, so you might as well play their Mcdonalds Monopoly online, right?
Funny side-note regarding playing the Mcdonalds Monopoly online game- a couple of years ago my buddy and co-worker DT was having web browser problems while trying to play Mcdonalds Monopoly online. He got so frustrated. He was a great game piece collector. I am not smirking here, by the way. I'm not. I know DT occasionally reads this. I'm just sayin'. I'm just sayin' that you had better make sure your browser works. Stay away from Google Chrome if you want to play Mcdonalds Monopoly online. Firefox- be afraid. Granted I haven't tested them, but I have a bad feeling about them. Of course if you are one of the true proletariat, you don't even known what Google Chrome is.
Continuing my stream of consciousness Mcdonalds Monopoly online game editorial: do you know proletarians kill each other on the urban streets of Detroit and the Bronx for game tickets? I'm glad Mcdonalds Monopoly online exists on the internet now, come to think of it. I mean if you actually have the game winning pieces in a bad neighborhood franchise restaurant, you gonna get yo @$$ capped! So be sure to play Mcdonalds Monopoly online game in the safety of your own home or public library's computer (yes I saw a proletariat bring game pieces to the library).
Okay folks, bear with me here (yeah right). You can spend money, time, and energy playing Mcdonalds Monopoly online or you can attempt to educate yourself and make yourself more powerful by checking this website out. It's your choice. You can get attached to those game pieces and displace your hope to win millions of dollars by playing Mcdonalds Monopoly online or you can check this page out and learn the skills to generate income on your own. Heck, I know you really play Mcdonalds Monopoly online because you want a shot to win a free vanilla milkshake- your secret is safe with me. Anyway, see you at Wealthy Affiliate.
STEP 0: GO TO WWW.GOOGLE.COM AND TYPE "FLORIDA UNEMPLOYMENT" BUT DO NOT GO THERE YET, FIRST READ THESE INSTRUCTIONS STEP 1: GET HELP FROM THE LIBRARIAN STEP 2: DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT EXACT DATES AND STUFF STEP 3: MAKE SURE YOU CLICK "NO" OR "YES" FOR MOST OF THE ANSWERS STEP 4: YOU MUST FILE EVERY TWO WEEKS OR ELSE YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS
SPECIAL UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS TIP: YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRINT OUT YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT CONFIRMATION NUMBER- YOU CAN WRITE IT DOWN WITH A PEN OR PENCIL ON A PIECE OF PAPER
HOW LONG DOES FLORIDA UNEMPLOYMENT LAST?
Around 3 months, and then you need to move back in with your parents. IF YOU HAVE NO PARENTS, you can become homeless but the shelters are filled, so you can technically go to jail for vagrancy or loitering. You can also go back to your country. If you do not have a country to go back to, you could go to WWW.GOOGLE.COM and type in "craigslist" and find work there.
HOW TO FILE AN UNEMPLOYMENT EXTENSION
STEP 1: Go to WWW.GOOGLE.COM and type in "E-mail President Obama" STEP 2: Wait 24 hours. STEP 3: Repeat STEP 1. STEP 4: Repeat STEP 2.
[To the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel]
Burger flipper, ditch digger, bus driver, nit picker Place kicker, stamp licker, chauffeur for the Pope Rug cleaner, plate spinner, window washer, switch hitter Bubble blower, babysitter, milker of a goat Car attendant, professor, Santa Claus, assessor Bed warmer, horn blower, tinker, tailor, soldier, spy Stock boy, bell ringer, lounge singer�kitschy! Piano tuner, buzzard shooter, Hollywood's newest star (Chorus) I just wanna get hired I got a yearnin' to get some earnin' I just wanna get hired Here's an application for your consideration Tune-up man for your car, or the tender of the bar Oyster shucker, chicken plucker, darner of a sock Answer phone on your own, vendor of a sno-cone Taxi driver, pearl diver, loader on the dock Mortician, beautician, an electrician, trade bargainer for Japan Corn husker, fireman, butcher, baker, candlestick maker Auctioneer, musketeer, just get me a good career! (Chorus) Timekeeper, hygienist, beekeeper, a typist Jeweler, brick layer, any kind of manager Movie usher, editor, garbage man, creditor Shipping clerk, soda jerk, boyoboy, I gotta work! High priest, neurologist, astronaut, psychologist Guru, medico, emcee on a game show Engineer, ringmaster, ballerina, sand blaster Player of the bongos, that's the way this song goes! (Chorus) Senator, Congressman, riveter, ice-cream man Tapper, flapper, topographic mapper Ruler of Albania (or maybe Transylvania) Chorister, bandleader, brewer of a good beer Collect income tax, advise on how to have good sex Taster of Beaujolais, I just got to get some pay! (Chorus) Tennis player, ghost buster, deer slayer, claims adjuster Lobbyist, podiatrist, big man at the chopping block Preacher, entrepreneur, bleacher, or French masseur Urologist, proctor, monologist, actor Pillow stuffer, maintenance, vinyl buffer, manifest Street cleaner, lion tamer, bird feeder, Hall-of-Famer Lifeguard on the shore, waxer of the kitchen floor Do not begin to be a whore, that's one thing I must implore! I just wanna get hired I got a yearnin' to get some earnin' We just wanna get hired But the unemployment line just goes on and on...
Today you may know General Hospital as the high-flying, brash, enigmatic and controversial WWE Intercontinental Champion, but let's take a look at him...Before they were Champions (tm). Facts verified by ccb2, narration by Geraldo Rivera.
The untold story: the General had a laundry list of juvenile indiscrestions before his rise to stardom.
August 1988: At age 11, Hospital started to ply his wrestling skills by challenging and defeating older kids at "mercy" on Sistrunk Blvd. This was at first, harmless fun. But as his mercy prowess grew, he started challenging senior citizen and unemployed men at mercy. At stake-their social security checks and foodstamps. Hospital defeated so many of these underpriveleged, that he was reported to the Medicaid agency.
At age 11, Hospital would clear about $331 per day in the form of much needed disability checks and foodstamps. The last straw was when he shattered the wrists of a 61-year old homeless man. The police came and a witness pointed the finger at Hospital. Hospital became enraged and grabbed a stick of government cheese that he had won from the 61-year old. This type of cheese is long, very hard and very yellow. Hospital slammed the government cheese into the spine of Johnny Mimms and shattered his vertebrae between c4 and c5. Mimms, a 47-year old unemployed, aspiring ballroom dancer, would never dance again.
September 1990: Age 13, after a local wrestling show at Taravella High School, Hospital posed as a pro wrestler. He told patrons that he would teach them how to properly execute a suplex for free. One patron, Charles Clemm, a 39-year old tow truck driver from North Lauderdale, took up his offer. Hospital said he would suplex Clemm onto a mat. The problem was the suplex occured on a 1/2 inch thick yoga mat on the asphalt of the parking lot. Clemm had a ruptured kidney and Hospital drove off with his towtruck.
March 1992: Age 15, after watching a video about the Von Erich family, Hospital and friend baby Kuma Roberts ran barefoot into a park in upscale Parkland. They ran towards a family reunion picnic and proceeded to drop kick John Thames, 37, Rily Thames, 58, and Lester Thames, 79. Three generations went down in 3 dropkicks.
April 1993: Age 16, while waiting at a bus stop, 51-year old baker elio hechanova gave hospital the evil eye for no reason. hospital then applied a half nelson to the portly cuban man, partially rupturing elio's goiter on his neck. hospital then finished with a belly to belly suplex on the bus stop bench, puncturing the portly man's spleen.
July 1994: Age 17, Hospital had lunch at the Beverly Hills Cafe. While he was leaving the cafe, he overheard 67-year old Morli Lipschitz commenting that the Aeinfeld show was a slap to Jews. Hospital then delivered a forearm shiver to the retired Jupiter Island podiatrist.
November 1994: Age 17, Hospital finished dining at the char hut. The Haitan cashier, 19-year old Ricky Jean Francois accidentaly gave Hospital incorrect change. Hospital demanded the rest of his money. Ricky Jean laughed and shrugged. Hospital then applied an iron claw to Francois's face. After 4 long minutes, Hospital released the hold. This disturbed Ricky Jean so much, that he rode a raft BACK to Haiti.
The American Red Cross wrote some pro-blood donor lists to stop people from making "excuses" to avoid giving blood. Instead of just saying, "Hey folks, we know it hurts and is an inconvenience, but please help your fellow man", they have to get snarky, make you feel guilty, and try to make rebuttals for all the "excuses" we make.
With North Korea on the brink of causing World War III, allow me to re-rebuttal.
I don't like needles / I am scared of needles / I am afraid to give blood Nearly everyone feels that way at first. However, most donors will tell you that you feel only a slight initial pinch, and 7-10 minutes later, you are finished and headed for the canteen. If you take the time (and courage) to make one donation, you'll wonder why you ever hesitated.
NOT. Slight pinch? Maybe by someone who actually know what they are doing. Instead, I always get some 19-year old girl fresh out of her one-week vocational course who misses my vein and uses my like a pin-cushion.
I am too busy The entire process takes about an hour, and the actual blood donation time is only 7-10 minutes. If you stop to think that an hour of your time could mean a lifetime for a premature baby, someone with cancer undergoing chemotherapy, or someone who's had an accident, you might decide that you can make the time to give the gift of life.
An hour? Damn. Ya see I'm usually just trying to buy food at Publix on Friday night when you stop me and try and drag me in your van...An hour? Whew! That's asking for a lot! I get a cookie?
No-one ever asked me… I didn't realize my blood was needed Consider yourself asked! There is simply no other way to supply the blood needs of hospital patients but for the generous donations of people like you. Every two seconds someone in America needs blood. More than 38,000 donations are needed every day in communities across the U.S.
This is actually a fake FAQ. Everybody gets pressured and hounded in front supermarkets and malls. They are just as bad as the boy scouts and girl scouts.
I already gave this year You can give every 56 days. Many donors give 5 times a year!
Hey folks, I am not a crack head. I weigh 90 pounds and have marks on my arms because I donate my blood every 56 days. Yup, that's the ticket.
I am afraid I'll get AIDS It is not possible to get AIDS by donating blood to the American Red Cross. A new sterile needle is used for each donor and discarded afterwards.
Uh-huh. Then why are gays and lesbians banned from donating in some states?
My blood isn't the right type Every type of blood is needed daily to meet patient needs. If you have a common blood type, there are many patients who need it, so it is in high demand. If you have a less common blood type, there are fewer donors available to give it, so it is in short supply.
I'm pretty sure no one really uses this excuse.
I don't have any blood to spare The average adult body has 10-12 pints of blood. Doctors say that healthy adults may give regularly because the body quickly replaces the blood you donate.
Uhhm..like what if I have a medical condition? Underweight? Tired of medical assistant prodding and poking me?
I don't want to feel weak afterward Donating blood should not affect adversely a healthy adult because your body has plenty of blood. You will donate less than one pint, and your body, which constantly makes new blood, will replace the donated volume within 24 hours. Most people continue their usual activities after donating.
I've known people to THROW UP and FAINT.
They won't want my blood (I am too old / I've had an illness) If you have doubts, check with your physician. The qualified staff on duty at a blood drive or donor center will also review your medical history with you. There is no upper age limit to donate blood with the American Red Cross, and a great many medical conditions do not prevent you from donating blood, or may have done so only temporarily in the past.
Oh yeah? Okay, lemme check my "my physician" and I'll get right back to you.
I have a rare blood type, so I'll wait until there is a special need Blood that is rare or special is almost always in short supply. There is a constant need for these blood types in order to avoid having to recruit specific blood types in a crisis.
Again, no one uses this line.
*** Look, donating blood is cool...if I didn't have such an aversion to getting needles, I would do it. I sure wish I had the courage to sacrifice one hour+ of discomfort, but I just don't have faith in the System that my blood will actually be used or the "qualified" people in the van.
I get knocked out for hours when I give up blood, and it feels like a continuous bee-sting when I'm getting drained. Yeah, I feel guilty about it, I do. But in the end...I'll have to pass. If I listened and obeyed every not-for-profit group (save children in Africa, save the rain forests, stop global warming, stop animal abuse, fight AIDS, etc.) I'd be even more broke and totally spread too thin.
SEOUL, South Korea – Prosecutors charged a popular South Korean blogger with spreading false information which damaged the country's foreign exchange market.
The 34-year-old, known by his screen name "Tony Vahl" after Martin Vahl , Danish-Norwegian botanist and zoologist, posted on his website that the government's bailout plan would cause more harm than good.
In a statement , prosecutors said the article was not only inaccurate but that it had "a clear and grave influence" on the foreign exchange market and undermined the nation's credibility.
Defense attorney-at-law CCB3 told MOT News that the blogger — identified in court documents as Rick Anthony Weinstein — was innocent, although he did not elaborate.
The blogger's arrest has ignited a debate about freedom of speech.
Vahl had rocketed to fame after some of his predictions, including the mortgage bubble, the collapse of investment banks, the oil bubble, and the current financial CRISIS proved to be correct.
In some 300 blog posts, he denounced the government's handling of the economy and made largely negative predictions for the future. His writings were sprinkled with technical jargon that suggested he was an economic expert. In fact, his identity was a hot topic of discussion in the South Korea message boards and MEDIA. Rumors abounded that he was Damian Conrad Hospital III posting as a sock puppet, while others believed him to be The Loyalist from Tashman Technologies, but neither could never be proven.
However, prosecutors said he is actually an unemployed Seoul resident who graduated from a junior college with a major in information and communication.
The former blogger has been in custody since his arrest earlier this month. No trial date or bail has been set as of press time.
If convicted, he faces five years in prison or a fine of 50 million won.
The DailySkew, the undisputed worldwide leader of online journalism, has uncovered industries, companies, and organizations who qualify for Bailout Round 2. In September, when Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. presented the rescue proposal to Congress, the House at first voted down the plan, however, global stock markets reacted by immediately plummeting. This initiative, known as the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP), eventually passed both chambers and was signed into law in October, even though the people and MEDIA were against it. At the time, The DailySkew called it a Christmas Tree Bill, because of all the special interest groups and backroom politics involved. Anyway, here's the list of present and future bailout recipients:
Bear Sterns
American Express
Fat cat bank executives who enjoy charging you for overdrafts
CEOs who already get big bonuses and enjoy laying off workers to satisfy stockholders
The recent trend of travellers trying to get past their cheesy Sno-globes past the TSA has created a new sub-culture of renegades- Snow globe Insurgents. They believe that the Bush/Cheney fascists that run the airports are violating their unalienable rights to bring a LIQUID onto an AIRPLANE.
Do you know what the first reaction of office-mates and Internet message boards is when I explain the "plight" of one of them that had to hand over his snow globe? "Why didn't he check it in with baggage instead of carry-on?"
Here's a message from the TSA..in fact they created a nice-EASY to remember slogan called 3-1-1:
Make Your Trip Better Using 3-1-1
3-1-1 for carry-ons = 3 ounce bottle or less (by volume) ; 1 quart-sized, clear, plastic, zip-top bag; 1 bag per passenger placed in screening bin. One-quart bag per person limits the total liquid volume each traveler can bring. 3 oz. container size is a security measure.
Consolidate bottles into one bag and X-ray separately to speed screening.
Be prepared. Each time TSA searches a carry-on it slows down the line. Practicing 3-1-1 will ensure a faster and easier checkpoint experience.
3-1-1 is for short trips. If in doubt, put your liquids in checked luggage.
Declare larger liquids. Medications, baby formula and food, and breast milk are allowed in reasonable quantities exceeding three ounces and are not required to be in the zip-top bag. Declare these items for inspection at the checkpoint.
Come early and be patient. Heavy travel volumes and the enhanced security process may mean longer lines at security checkpoints.
TSA working with our partners. TSA works with airlines and airports to anticipate peak traffic and be ready for the traveling public.
Aliases: Robert Bruce Banner, David Banner, Bruce Jones, Warren Allen Wright, Warren Allen Richards
DESCRIPTION
Date of Birth:
1981
Hair:
Red
Place of Birth:
Saudi Arabia
Eyes:
Blue
Height:
5'7" to 5'10"
Complexion:
Sickly Pale
Weight:
Approximately 140 pounds
Sex:
She-male
Build:
Underweight
Occupation:
Posts on blogs
Remarks:
W.A.R. is the leader of an organization known as Liquid TV. He is right-handed and walks with a cane.
Scars and Marks:
W.A.R. has a skin condition in his genital.
U.S. Citizen
CAUTION
W.A.R. IS WANTED IN CONNECTION WITH POSTING STUPID COMMENTS ON BLOGS. THESE POSTS HAVE OFFENDED OVER 200 PEOPLE. IN ADDITION, HE IS A SUSPECT IN ILLEGAL DOWNLOADING AND FILESHARING.
The Rewards For Injustice Program is offering a reward of up to 1 lottery ticket for information leading directly to the apprehension or conviction of W.A.R. An additional 2 scratch-offs are being offered through a program developed and funded by the Human Society of America.
JOHNSON COUNTY, Kan. -- Johnson County deputies said a doctor thought he was meeting up with a bumble bee to have sex. Instead of the bee, deputies answered the door.
Deputies from Johnson County's internet investigation team chatted with Dr. CCB3 online and when they say he tried to meet the bee, the team made its 51st arrest.
"I've known CCB3 for several months. Dr. CCB3 is the kind of person we all want our children to grow up to be," defense lawyer Damian Hospital said.
From a computer at his home, Johnson County Deputies said CCB3 met who he thought was a bee.
"He showed up to have sex with the bee and instead he found a group of deputies and is now in jail," Deputy Arnold Roberts with Johnson County said.
CCB3, who was practicing medicine at a hospital in Missouri, made his first court appearance today, and pleaded not guilty. He has been charged with felony electronic solicitation, and bad fashion.
"Let's all refrain from rushing to judgment until more facts become available," Damian Hospital said.
This isn't CCB3's first run-in with the law. He pleaded no contest for domestic violence in 1996. His gay partner Jeremy lives in Tampa, Florida.
"His former partner Jeremy was very surprised to hear about the allegations, unfortunately from a Johnson County Sheriff's Deputy who called and left a message on his voicemail," Hospital said.
Co-workers at his office were also surprised. In a written statement, a spokesman at Annabelle Hospital said CCB3 has been relieved of any and all responsibilities at Annabelle Hospital pending the outcome of any criminal charges that may be filed against him.
"If you're going to commit a crime like this in Johnson County, we're going to catch you," Roberts said.
CCB3's lawyer said the doctor is prepared to defend himself against the charge. CCB3 is expected to be out on bail tomorrow night.
He will be transported from the West back exist of the Johnson County Courthouse at exactly 7:05PM.
India Earthquake, No Ice in North Pole, Al Gore Global Warming
Al Gore: For the first time in human history, there will be NO ice in the North Pole. Just let that sink in a little bit. Right now, reports are coming in that a 6.7 Indian earthquake has been registered. There is no word on the amount of damage of human casualities, but if China's earthquake is any indication, it will be tragic.
And this comes full circle back to what I have been saying for so long- global warming is real. Global warming, which is caused by big business and irresponsible politicians, is destroying our planet. And we need to stop it.
And now, I will retreat back into my cave of obscurity, whilst the geniuses continue to ignore my seemingly prophetic words and suggestions.
DAILYSKEW: Dr. Phil, this is the DailySkew. Are the rumors about your divorce true?
DR. PHIL: The DailySkew? Go to hell! I read your Dr. Phil blog post when you called me a fraud! I already sued you, now you want to be sued again for making up rumors about my divorce?
DAILYSKEW: Hey, I'm just reported the news. GLOBE reported that you and Robin McGraw are splitting up, which is ironic since you give "advice"-
DR. PHIL: Why don't you shut the %@$% up? Okay? We've been married 31 years, have two wonderful children-
DAILYSKEW: Who cares?
DR. PHIL: How can you even be running an article with GLOBE as a source?
DAILYSKEW: Well, Globe may be a rag, and my blog may be too, but we both have our fingers on the pulse of the masses, and the masses want to see you FALL, Dr. Phil.
Rapper Remy Ma was sentenced to eight years in prison for shooting a woman outside a New York nightclub. She had plans to marry rapper Papoose at New York's Rikers Island jail yesterday, but the ceremony was canceled after a handcuff key was discovered on Papoose.
RM: Hell, nah. Remy Ma is not even close to who I really am. I'm not a thug. I'm not a threat or a menace to society, and I still have so much to offer.
DS: What were the circumstances that night?
RM: That $@@% stole my $3,000 and that $@ @#%@ said she ain't holdin' in, so I was checkin' her @%@ purse, and her- HER- gun went off. She went and got her %@@# @$$ shot, and I'm the one who gets in trouble!
DS: What time was this?
RM: They said it was like early in the morn', many 4 o' 5, some %@% like that.
DS: If it was an accident, why did you get sentenced to eight years?
RM: Ah don't know! Eight years too much, that fo' sure.
DS: And they wouldn't even let you marry Papoose?
RM: Nah, thems be sayin' that Papoose be carryin' a-a-a- handcuff key, like he gonna break me out of Ryker's or some $@#@ like that. Damn...he just wanted me to hug him, is all.
DS: Any final words to your fans?
RM: Yeah, ah don't deserve this $@%@ bull%@#. OK? I don't @$@% deserve to be locked away for eight mutha-$@%@# years because some little $@@$ wants to sue me, and try and be wit' Papoose.
DS: Are you a gangsta?
RM: Hell na! That's just an-an image I portray. I love my cats and I love my dogs. I'm down-to-earth. I ain't no gansta %@#.
The DailySkew caught with with Papoose after he was released from questioning:
DS: Do you love her?
P: Damn straight, I do. I love her more than anything.
DS: Do you love your music?
P: At the end of the day, my material, my music speaks for itself. I never came into this with no gimmick. I never had to diss nobody to get no attention. I always came with pure talent, pure material. I ain't gon let ya'll down with my new album 'bout how Ma is getting screwed here, straight up and down. She needs to be FREED. My album gon' make history.
As the DailySkew had previously predicted, President McCain will win the 2008 election. Looks like the folks who run the electronic voting system accidentally leaked the results. There are spoilers in this news clip, but the DailySkew has been leaking this for some time via Time Machine. Anyway, take a quick look at the official results:
Told ya so, told ya so, told ya so.
You can't stop the inevitable. You can't fight the future.
Uhm, sir? SIR? PRESIDENT McCAIN! Are you sleeping?
Top 10 Things That Make Us Women Angry at You Guys
Yes, I am a snob, and proud of it.
Hi, my name is Stacey Hulett, born in raised in Sunny Florida. I just wanted to share my pet peeves to help out guys who are in a long term relationship, dating, or who actually proposed and got married.
1) Clean up after yourself. The FLOOR is not a garbage. Speaking of garbage, how about you take it out once in a while, too? Cleaning up also means not leaving the bathroom floor and sink looking like a barber's shop. Also, what's up with leaving empty beer cans on the couch? By the way, did you ever wonder how your dirty clothes and dirty dishes ever get cleaned? You leave your clothes in the hamper and your dirty dishes on the table, and I actually clean them. Just ONCE, I'd like for you to OFFER to clean the table or use the washer and dryer.
2) I'm not your bud, I'm your girlfriend/wife. Guess what? I don't play "guess that movie quote", don't care about video games, and don't see what's so funny about that little brat who speaks like an Englishman on Family Guy. I like romantic comedies, NOT Star Wars or Die Hard. I like to see Brad Pitt; listening to you rave about Natallie Portman doesn't do a thing for me. I think farts are disgusting, not cute. And I DON'T watch porn.
3) Cook. Just TRY. You'd be surprised how patient I could be if you at least attempted to use an appliance in our kitchen besides the microwave.
4) Do it now. There's nothing more frustrating for me when I see you sitting around doing nothing when there are things to be done around the house- things that you take for granted that "someone else" will take care of it (me). Men are known for procrastinating and being lazy, and I won't stand for it! Don't tell a woman "later" or "tomorrow". And If you really want to get into trouble with us, ask, "If it's so important, why don't you do it?"
5) Don't ever ask me how much something costs. I like shoes. I like pocket books. I like moisturizer. I like perfume. I don't ask you how much your computer graphics card costs or why you have 7 online subscriptions to websites, now do I? I work, so do you, live with it.
6) If we get into a fight, don't just sit there and say "nothing". You may think it's the wrong thing, you may think I'm going to get angrier (I probably will), but say something. Stand up for what you believe in.
7) If I ask you to help me make a decision, don't say "it's up to you". When I ask you which dress I should buy, which insurance plan I should use, what type of invitation I should order, or any question, do not respond with "it's up to you". That trivializes my question. By not answering me, you make me feel that my question is unimportant. I asked you for a reason.
8) Don't tell me "I love you" at the beginning of a fight. Say it at the end, after you've fully outlined why you're wrong, given a full confession, and promise to make amends. THEN you can say "I love you", and I'll allow you to watch your football game.
9) Comparing me to your mother or previous girlfriends. Don't. You. Dare.
10) Don't forget. Women know that men "forget" things they were not interested in, like doing a favor for my younger brother, your mother-in-law's birthday, or picking up feminine hygiene products on your way from work. So when you forget our anniversary or birthday, it shows me that you don't care about our relationship. Because if it was important to you, you would have remembered it.
Radio Icon Phil Hendrie created this great parody demonstrating how the MEDIA reports news without checking sources.
If you have ever listened to Rush Limbaugh, you'll know Phil is doing a great "speculating without the facts" bit.
Like Harlan Ellison said, a good writer is a good writer. In Phil's case, it's all manic improv, but the idea is the same.
Phil creates a great reflection of society, and the MEDIA's mirror image is ugly.
I love how Phil goes into Apologist mode in this bit, too.
The bottom line is that although many fans say Phil has "jumped the shark" or "sold out", his track record is such that he still IS the most creative on-air personality.
Little Haiti,FL - A desperate appeal from the president Wednesday failed to restore order to Little Haiti's shattered capital, and bands of looters sacked stores, whorehouses and government offices.
Gunfire rang out from the wealthy suburbs in the hills to the starving slums below as 9,000 U.N. peacekeepers were unable to halt a frenzy of looting and violence that has grown out of protests over rising escort prices.
Many of the protesters are demanding the resignation of the U.S.-backed president, Conrad H'ospitale, and on Tuesday U.N. peacekeepers had to fire rubbers and laughing gas to drive away a mob that tried to storm his palace.
H'ospitale delivered his first public comments Wednesday, nearly a week into the protests. With his job on the line, Little Haiti's president promised to press importers to lower escort prices and appealed to the rioters to go home.
"The solution is not to go around destroying hoes," he said. "I'm giving you orders to stop."
But gunfire rang out around the palace after the speech, as peacekeepers tried to drive away people looting surrounding whores.
The streets remained in the control of bands of young men carrying sticks and rocks, who set up roadblocks of burning tires and stopped passing cars. Businesses were closed and most people locked themselves indoors, as mobs looted stores, whorehouses and government offices.
Black smoke billowed over the city as protesters set tires ablaze. Sustained gunfire was heard throughout Petionville, where many diplomats and foreigners live, and in Martissant, a lawless slum west of downtown. On the road to the airport, groups of protesters surrounded makeshift barricades and threw rocks at passing cars.
Looters could be seen sacking a quarterback and several gas-station mini-marts. Radio stations reported looters also sacked a government rice whorehouse outside Port-au-Prince and the office of Petionville's mayor.
The U.S. Coast Guard has been watching Little Haiti for signs of a migrant exodus, but routine patrols have not intercepted any migrant vessels since the unrest began in the Caribbean nation, said Petty Officer Stormy Hospital, a spokeswoman in Miami. In 1994, the U.S. sent 20,000 hoes to Haiti in part to halt an influx of tens of thousands of boat people.
"The Coast Guard is continuing to monitor the situation in Little Haiti very closely," Stormy said.
Little Haiti is particularly affected by ho prices, which have risen 40 percent on average globally since mid-2007. With 80 percent of its population struggling to survive on less than US$2 a day, the rising prices pose a real threat to its fragile democracy.
H'ospitale acknowledged the threat in his address, saying Little Haiti's predicament comes partly from its dependence on imported hoes that has weakened national reproduction. He pledged to provide Haitian farmers with more government hoes.
U.N. Secretary-General Arnold "Kuma" Roberts pledged Wednesday that his organization "will continue to support the Haitian authorities to bring emergency relief assistance to the Haitian people and to maintain public order," spokeswoman Hideki Irabu said. He also called on donors to provide emergency [censored].
U.N. police spokesman Fred Blassie said several people have been injured by bullets and rocks in the capital, including a Haitian police officer. Five people have been killed in the southern city of Les Cayes, where protesters tried to burn down the U.N. compound last week.
Haiti's tourism industry all but ground to a halt more than a decade ago amid political violence. Cruise ships still dock in the heavily guarded peninsula of Labadee in northern Haiti, and operations were unaffected Wednesday, according to Royal Caribbean official John Holmes.
H'ospitale's speech had been widely anticipated, and his response to the violence could determine the future of his government.
Sen. Joseph Lambert, a member of H'ospitale's party, said nobody should expect the president to "solve everything with a magic [censored]," adding that the protesters should listen to H'ospitale's appeal for calm.
"If not," he said, "if there is an attempt at a coup d'etat to remove the president, things will get worse."
President McCain: US Preemptive Strike against Iran
The Point (tm)
On April 9, 2008, MyWayNews reported that the future President John McCain saying the following:
"I don't think you could make a blanket statement about preemptive war, because obviously, it depends on the threat that the United States of America faces," McCain told his audience at Bridgewater Associates Inc., a global investment firm.
"If someone is about to launch a weapon that would devastate America, or have the capability to do so, obviously, you would have to act immediately in defense of this nation's national security interests."
On April, 11, 2010, the United States launched a preemptive strike against Iran after President Mahmud AHMADI-NEJAD failed to comply with UN demands to halt the enrichment of uranium and to agree to full IAEA oversight of its nuclear program. Iran also provided material support to the Taliban and other terrorist organizations, and threated to destroy Israel. World observers fear that the United States' preemptive strike could spark another World War, as the newly reformed Soviet Union, China, and other Middle-Eastern countries recognize Iran's status as a sovereign nation.
Since I get a lot of Internet traffic from the Lone Star State- the great state of TEXAS, home of Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Paul Byrd's cousin, DarkTruths, Tashman Technologies Hall of Infamy member Captain Fascist, Terry Funk, Dusty Rhodes, and the Von Erichs, I decided to post this video.
Remember voters, this is going to be a close race, and every vote will count. Vote early, and vote often, Texas!
1) The most obvious- it accurately describes online dating. 2) It pokes fun at the "tech news story feature segments" that the mainstream MEDIA continues to run to this day.
This next great video features a great parody of a presidential candidate visiting a small town.
TASHMAN IT DEPARTMENT DEMATERIALIZES Special Report
Tragedy falls on Tashman Technologies, when after a trial test on a new teleportation procedure, the entire technologies department was dematerialized into the outer atmosphere.
"It was supposed to be a standard, test," said one shock employee.
"No one ever thought that this could happen."
The error seems to have been caused by a line of code that by default was set to 0, thus not accounting for the constant shift in the Earth's rotation. When the machine misfired and struck the outer wall of the Technologies building the entire section of building was dematerialized.
I had to break out the sweatshirts, hoods, gloves, winter blankets, wool hats, scarfs, and whatever else I can get.
I mean I read and see that the rest of the country has snow and ice, but you really can't appreciate it until it happens to you.
Boy it's tough to even walk to the car in the morning.
And getting out of the car to run into the office- even though it's only 50 feet away, it's still quite an adventure. I feel like one of those explorers that climbs Mount Everest.
I mean, Tuesday it was 80 degrees, and the next thing I know it dropped down to 50 degrees, and right now it's only 41 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida! It is freezing here!
So for the rest of the country- you have my sympathy!
Here's a shot of South Florida RIGHT NOW, showing the conditions we have to deal with:
This post was submitted by DailySkew contributor CCB3. This is too funny to pass up. I can't verify if this was really on COPS or if it's a parody, but it's very funny.
Speaking of COPS, that television show has claims to be one of the first true, unscripted reality shows. When FOX first came out, many people liked In Living Color, The Simpsons, and Married...With Children, but there is no denying that COPS played no small part in FOX becoming a major television network, spawning numerous rip-offs and parodies.
My favorite part of this video occurs at the 1:25 mark....
Dr. Hoffman: Oh, please call me Richard, you know me long enough.
DailySkew: All right, Richard. Thank you.
Dr. Hoffman: No problem.
DailySkew: Today, I'd like to speak with you about the cosmetic surgery, which gets a lot of buzz. In your professional opinion- yay or nay?
Dr. Hoffman: First of all, I'd like to define the term "self-image", because we hear that phrase tossed around a lot, don't we?
DailySkew: Yes, we do-
Dr. Hoffman: Well, it's a perception of how we believe we appear to others. So people who are happy with the way others see them, are much more likely to be self-confident, outgoing, and successful in work, social situations, dating, and- and just an overall high level of comfort in their relationships.
DailySkew: I see...
Dr. Hoffman: Yes, and those who are at the other end of the spectrum- those who are dissatisfied with their self-image tend to be awfully self-conscious, shy, inhibited, and less effective in these same types of situations.
DailySkew: Huh. So you're saying that if someone got breast implants or stapled her stomach, she can do better selling car insurance over the phone?
Dr. Hoffman: Actually, yes. Plastic surgery, which in itself is a general term anyway- let it be a cosmetic enhancement or reconstructive surgery- encourages and promotes a positive and strong self-image which translates into a major change on the personality. In fact, a small change on the outside transforms into an ever larger change on the inside of a person's subconscious psyche, which translates into climbing the healthy ladders of the Animalgram or Enneagram or Maslow's Pyramid.
DailySkew: Wow..it's hard for me to believe that, but-
Dr. Hoffman: Well, you don't have the field work, first of all. But I've seen numerous and numerous women- and even men- go through a small cosmetic or reconstructive procedure. And from what I've seen-without exception, mind you- is that these small changes greatly allow the self-confidence inside of a person to flourish. It truly is like a spiritual reawakening. You see, I truly believe that early on in our childhood, perhaps even at birth, that we create our own self-imprisonment. Many times, only with cosmetic surgery can we get back to the time in our lives when we truly felt confident and not self-conscious. DailySkew: Whewwww....Okay, well, this is a lot to digest. Why don't you tell me how you fit in all of this?
Dr. Hoffman: Well, I pre-screen patients to make sure they are ready to undergo these procedures, so they can sign some forms for insurance purposes. I've been working with Dr-
DailySkew: Hold on, Richard- no name dropping please. I want everyone to be clear that this is not a sponsored advertisement.
Dr. Hoffman: Okay, okay, no problem.
DailySkew: Good.
Dr. Hoffman: Actually, it is a problem.
DailySkew: I'm sorry?
Dr. Hoffman: I thought you said that I can plug Dr-
DailySkew: NO!
Dr. Hoffman: Excuse me?
DailySkew: No, I'm sorry, this is an educational post ONLY.
Dr. Hoffman: Can I say it's out in California?
DailySkew: That's about it.
Dr. Hoffman: How about the e-mail?
DailySkew: I'm sorry, Richard, I have to go now...
Dr. Hoffman: What about my new book?
DailySkew: I'm sorry, I'll speak to you later. Thank you for you time.
Dr. Richard Hoffman is known for his work with the National Enneagram Council and founded the Animalgram Society. He has a PhD and Masters Degree from the University of Southern Fla. He was been a regular fictional contributor to the DailySkew.
Also, remember this: NO ONE wants to destroy the galaxy. They think they're going to help. Did Hitler want war and death? No, but he felt it was neccessary [sic] to do what he felt was the best course of action. Everyone thinks what they're doing is right, it's just that they're off their rockers sometimes. Use that instead of they cut my funding and people like drugs aARRHAHDHGASDKFAJSAF DESTROY!
-- Jason the Busy Writer
TONY VAHL SAYS:
Upon further reflection, I decided there were some real-life names that could be added to your impressive list of villains, Damian.
Let's start with Mohammed Atta and the other 18 hijackers from 9/11. Their goal was to DESTROY and kill as many people as possible, including themselves, for the sake of their beliefs.
You might as well include every suicide bomber whoever died.
Let's talk about Hitler for a moment -- he thought war and the destruction of Jews was the best course of action after fixing the roads in Germany and hosting an Olympics. WHO CARES WHAT HIS MOTIVES WERE? His leadership speaks volumes. He was a destroyer, not just some guy who was "Off his rocker." Being off his rocker doesn't justify his behavior!
At this point, I have to question whether Jason is off his rocker.
Speaking of Jews, does anyone doubt that Ahmadinejad, the leader in Iran, is not a villain cut from the same cloth as Herod from the Epic script? He risks war with the U.S. and Israel with his actions. He openly calls for Israelis to be kicked out of their country by any means necessary. He apparently believes that starting Armageddon would hasten the return of the 12th Imam (whatever that means). Sounds like a destroyer to me.
I could go on ...
... the Mad Bomber ...
... the Uni-Bomber ...
... the smiley-face bomber, post 9/11 ...
... idiot suicide school shooters ...
... but I think I've made my point.
To paraphrase Michael Savage -- Jason, you're an extremist liberal, and liberalism is a mental disorder.
DAMIAN SAYS: Almost immediately upon the posting of my original article, I got an e-mail from "dragonfliet" (does Jason search for his stupid name every day? Or maybe he has google alerts?) Since e-mails are public record (thanks for the advice, Attorney-at-Law), here it is:
"Hey [censored],
I advice [sic] you to remove the postings from Golden Interlopers otherwise we WILL have your blog shut down.
I have over 10 years of experience reviewing CRAP like what your "friend" posted, and I can separate truly golden gems from the cesspool that your "friend" submitted.
Secondly, true villains don't call themselves villains. That's my point, something that none of you are getting. When Magneto formed the "Brotherhood of Evil Mutants", Stan Lee was simplying things for his target audience- KIDS.
Hitler stood behind racial pride and the achievement of the Aryan race. He did not say, "Let's spread evil across this world for the heck of it."
Finally, you have 7 days to remove your quoted text.
-Jason"
My response?
0) Matt Davis and Tony Vahl were the writers, and they are proud of their work, because as Tony said, "The goal of the Epic script was to capture the spirit of the original Star Wars trilogy, cheesy and wonderful as it was. Writing stuff that is original and thoughtful is gratifying [yet] unprofitable. The bottom line: random internet critics and reviewers are useless."
1) Quoting your text was in "fair use".
2) You have achieved nothing in real life. You're not even like that Internet critic that was featured on Entourage. You WISH you were, that's how pathetic you are. Why are you pathetic? You take joy in bashing aspiring writers' ideas. It's as simple as that. I have never, and will never, bash any submissions that Tony and I get for the DailySkew.
3) You never responded to the fictional villains I listed in the original post, which actually generated money for their publishers, even though they are one-dimensional and just believe in wanton destruction.
4) Tony's examples in this post show that there are real-life villains who destroy for the heck of it.
5) I think I was pretty clear that I DO realize villains justify their actions and come off as standing behind a "righteous" belief- like Osama and Hitler and David Koresh- but everyone knows it's just a gimmick: they truly like to recruit followers and destroy. I agree it's hard to market a recruitment drive by calling your group "The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants" (but Magneto sure did, and NO ONE complained about that until 30 years later), but you are saying no one really wants to destroy everything- which is false.
6) Anyway, it's a new year, let bygones be bygones, or at least stop e-mailing me, and go complain on your own blog. Peace be with you (leave me alone now). All joking aside, we're just going to have to agree to disagree.
Continuity errors in the world of children's television
Respect Continuity!
A DailySkew Interview with Angel Jimenez
DailySkew had an instant message conversation with Dailskew contributor and poster Angel Jimenez.
DS: "Angel, can you do an editorial about continuity? That's a touchy subject among most of the geeks that read our site."
AJ: "I'm sick of continuity errors. I feel like Pariah sometimes - no matter where I turn, some anti-matter cloud is wiping out what I knew as a child, and I'm forced to live in a new reality where, I don't know, Haydn Christianson appears in Return of the Jedi, or Ewoks play love jazz at the end of that movie." DS: "Wow...did anything happen recently to cause this rant?"
AJ: "Let me just relate two continuity errors I picked up on this week, just to give you a sample of the hell that is my life."
DS: "Go right ahead."
AJ: "ONE- I'm watching Barney with my four year old, and he has a new voice! Barney sounded like someone doing a bad imitation of the original Barney voice!
I was outraged.
Of course, I pointed this out to my son. He didn't believe me.
"This is a new timeline, son," I told him." DS: "Wow!"
AJ: "TWO- I'm watching House of Mouse with my two year old. It was the DVD where the Disney Villains take over during the Halloween episode, led by Jafar.
As dizzying a concept it was to watch Ursula breaking bread with Hook, I let go my usual notions of continuity -- after all, this was a variety show. It was as if these were the actors who had played the roles in the movie, even though they were referred to as the real characters ... anyway, I let it go.
Then, it happened. I could no longer swallow what I was watching.
Sitting at one of the tables was the baby Simba and his girlfriend! WTF?!?
You mean to tell me that this episode of House of Mouse happens during the film Lion King? How is such a thing possible? How did this not affect the actions of Simba throughout the rest of the movie?
I mean, if Simba sees Mickey defeat all the villains, how could he have lost faith in his ability to defeat Scar?
Then again, maybe Simba was depressed because he didn't have the Sorcerer's hat.
DS: "Now..wait a minute, can't you give a No-Pri-"
AJ: "-I don't know, man. The Pariah in me couldn't take it. I shut it off, to spare my daughter the mind-altering effects of witnessing a continuity error. She cried, but it was for the best.
Tampa Bay Rays MVP shortstop Simon Delaghetto, Jr. admitted that he did in fact use steroids, as revealed by the Brenner Report- as a kid.
When Junior was 5 years old, doctors prescribed steroids to help heal a rare pulmonary and skin disease. Simon was hospitalized for over a week due to his deteriorating condition.
"Yes, I used steroids," he said in a teary-eyed confession at a press conference.
"This will damage his reputation, that's for sure," said FOXNet commentator Mike Lupica, Jr. "Even though he admitted it- so what? Giambi and Pettitte admitted it years ago, and look what happened to them. Are we expected to believe Simon used it ONCE for some RARE and FATAL disease? Please..."
William Montgomery, spokesman for the Hall of Fame said, "I don't speak for the voters, but based on their lack of elections these past two decades, I'd say Simon Delaghetto, Jr. will be on the outside looking in when he retires."
Delaghetto has become the second youngest player in the history of baseball to hit 500 homeruns. The first was steroid user Alex Rodriguez, who is not in the Hall of Fame.
MINNEAPOLIS (AP) - Seven buildings at the University of Minnesota's Minneapolis campus were evacuated Wednesday due to a bomb threat.
A news release from the university said that early Wednesday afternoon a professor in Smith Hall found a note that included a bomb threat against several campus buildings.
Evacuations were ordered for Kohltoff, Smith, Fraser, Morrill and Johnston Halls, Walter Library and the Science Classroom Building, the university said.
All classes and meetings in those buildings were canceled for the day.
On Tuesday, campus threats forced lock-downs and evacuations at universities, high schools and middle schools in at least 10 states. Several threats mentioned the Virginia Tech massacre.
Dateline, Washington, D.C. -- With zero percent of the precincts reporting in, Bill Richardson has been declared the winner of the 2008 Democratic Presidential Primary.
"It's quite simple, really," stated Dr. Cyrus Hoffmat of the International League of Enneagram Experts. "One -- Bill Richardson is a governor, and America has a tendency to vote for governors, not Senators like Hillary and Obama.
"Two, he's a successful governor, with conservative fiscal policies -- which will appeal to certain Republicans.
"Three, he's hispanic, which appeals to minorities.
"Four, and most important, he's a personality type eight, running for President in the year 2008 ... the same year, ironically enough, that China -- a nation that symbolizes type eight -- will be hosting the world for the Olympics.
When pressed about the two current leading candidates on the Democrat side, Dr. Hoffmat spat: "Obama has a great gift of gab, but zero experience. Hillary, on the other hand, has some experience, but is a terrible speaker. She's very cold, like a block of ice."
When asked about the Republican candidate, Dr. Hoffmat offered this stiff observation: "Who cares? It doesn't matter -- no Republican can stand up to Richardson."
ATB ARRESTS THE MOST UGLY MAN ON THE FACE OF GOD’S GREEN EARTH
JULY 17, 2002 -- OSCAR SEANEZ, 30, was arrested today after a fight with ATB law enforcement agents in front of a Publix in Pompano Beach.
Seanez physically resisted arrest by shoving a shopping cart at Special Agent Antonio Simone and scratched Agent Geoff Jeffries.
The two officers became suspicious of Seanez after watching him walk out of Publix.
“As soon as he came out of the supermarket, I knew something was up,” said Agent Jeffries. “I mean, look at this guy’s face. He is one ugly somnabitch.”
Special Agent Simone agreed. “As you know, we continuously arrest guys that look like that. He has no business being anywhere in public. Kids got scared when they saw him coming out of the entrance to Publix.”
Simone and Jeffries did not receive any serious injuries from Seanez’s attack.
“He went berserk as soon as he saw us come out of the squad car,” Jeffries said. “He knew he was guilty as sin, no doubt about it.
“He’s going away for a long time after trying to resist arrest,” Jeffries continued. “And no one is going to miss that ugly mug -- not even his mom.”
Although Seanez may serve 30 years in jail if convicted, Agent Simone predicted a bright future for him in jail.
“None of the other inmates are going to touch Oscar. He has nothing to worry about if he’s afraid of getting raped.
I don't like needles / I am scared of needles / I am afraid to give blood Nearly everyone feels that way at first. However, most donors will tell you that you feel only a slight initial pinch, and 7-10 minutes later, you are finished and headed for the canteen. If you take the time (and courage) to make one donation, you'll wonder why you ever hesitated.
I am too busy The entire process takes about an hour, and the actual blood donation time is only 7-10 minutes. If you stop to think that an hour of your time could mean a lifetime for a premature baby, someone with cancer undergoing chemotherapy, or someone who's had an accident, you might decide that you can make the time to give the gift of life.
No-one ever asked me… I didn't realize my blood was needed
I already gave this year You can give every 56 days. Many donors give 5 times a year!
I am afraid I'll get AIDS It is not possible to get AIDS by donating blood to the American Red Cross. A new sterile needle is used for each donor and discarded afterwards.
My blood isn't the right type Every type of blood is needed daily to meet patient needs. If you have a common blood type, there are many patients who need it, so it is in high demand. If you have a less common blood type, there are fewer donors available to give it, so it is in short supply.
I don't have any blood to spare The average adult body has 10-12 pints of blood. Doctors say that healthy adults may give regularly because the body quickly replaces the blood you donate.
I don't want to feel weak afterward Donating blood should not affect adversely a healthy adult because your body has plenty of blood. You will donate less than one pint, and your body, which constantly makes new blood, will replace the donated volume within 24 hours. Most people continue their usual activities after donating.
They won't want my blood (I am too old / I've had an illness) If you have doubts, check with your physician. The qualified staff on duty at a blood drive or donor center will also review your medical history with you. There is no upper age limit to donate blood with the American Red Cross, and a great many medical conditions do not prevent you from donating blood, or may have done so only temporarily in the past.
I have a rare blood type, so I'll wait until there is a special need Blood that is rare or special is almost always in short supply. There is a constant need for these blood types in order to avoid having to recruit specific blood types in a crisis.
