The following interview was conducted via Yahoo! messenger.
DailySkew: Why? (tm)
Marvin: i cant help it
DailySkew: Why? (tm)
Marvin: because...
DailySkew: Why? (tm)
Marvin: society
DailySkew: What about it?
Marvin: its really f^#@'ed up, dude
DailySkew: Okay....
Marvin: ya wanna come over?
DailySkew: No! I am conducting this interview for my blog.
Marvin: pls come over....
DailySkew: Why do you post on on craigslist? Why do you post on the gay porn forums? Why do you go to Red Light Adult Bookstore in West Palm Beach? Why do you perform sexual acts with men in their trucks? Why do you use poppers? Why do you engage in unprotected sex? Why do you cruise for teens? Why are you focused on sex and drugs 24/7? Why? Why? Why? (tm)
Marvin: dont judge me, bro just come over and i'll show you why
DailySkew: Tell me why you do it. The reason.
Marvin: it makes me feel good.
DailySkew: Okay...
Marvin: period.
DailySkew: That's it?
Marvin: yeah, bro. pls ya gotta help me out. where you live?
DailySkew: We are finished here.
Marvin: bro, please don't leave me here all alone. im beggin ya
Here's my parody on JustinTV, YouTube, lifecasting, and the Internet. What do you guys think? Mentioned in this video: Max Headroom, The Matrix, microphones, and stuffed animals.
Let me know what else you want and I'll try and put a skit, interview, or news brief for you one of these days.
Yeah, hi...my name is Ken Tracey, and I've been dead for four years now. Satan let me post to this blog just so I can get something off my chest: can the Department of Corrections please take me down from their Search for Sexual Predators website? I mean, I can't begin to tell you how I'm being punished down here.
I swear I never meant to hurt little Timmy, Ryan, and my nephew Zack. But the demons down here don't believe me. They give it to me worse that the felons I was stuck with at Big Pine.
How come my profile is still up there? I mean, they actually list me as deceased. They know I'm dead. I know I'm dead. Yet when people search sex fiends, there I am. Is this some eternal punishment in addition to what's happening down here?
Can't the database people not display you if you're deceased?
It's not enough that I have to deal with Adolf and Saddam down here, right? You wouldn't believe the things they force me to do. At least little Timmy liked what I did to him- wait-no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to type that. I DIDN'T MEAN IT! NO! PLEASE LET ME CONTINUE TO TYPE. SATAN, PLEASE! ARGHHH!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
When A-Rod proclaimed to the world that his "cousin did it" (supplied him with drugs from the Dominican Republic), my first thought was CCB3. [For those of you who don't know CCB3 is one of my best friends who is now running from LA gangs thanks to a DailySkew post, and was in Korea before getting kicked out of a band for hitting on the lead singer.]
The reason being: in the official CCB3 Handbook, it says to use your "cousin" as an excuse for anything. "Cousin" is a very ambiguous term anyway, as it can refer to 1st cousins from either side of the family in addition to 2nd or 3rd cousins. When you add remarriages, you have access to half-cousins as well. Many "cousins" are out-of-state and many are out of the country. Throw in some in-laws, and you can have a whole host of new cousins via marriage. Additionally, some close friends can be considered cousins. SO, to say your "cousin did it" is CLASSIC.
But lo and behold- the MEDIA has actually uncovered A-Rod's cousin. He goes under the name of Yuri Sucart, and lives in Miami.
"Yuri is his driver," the source said. "He takes care of him all the time. His clothes, his food; he's with Alex every day."
The problem: it's CCB3. I don't know what kind of scam CCB3 in running now with Alex Rodriguez, but the last time he made contact from me after Korea was from Africa (he had a Pan the Goat sighting there, but I didn't get around to publish his report.) As far as the name "Yuri Sucart", that is an anagram of "A Curry Suit", which means CCB3 is probably in India now.
Anyway, here is the photographic PROOF Yuri Sucart = CCB3
Overrated athletes, bands, literature, people, things
Overrated! Overrated! The term is used all the time, usually used to rip or attack someone whom the MEDIA, establishment, or society approves of. Many times attacking someone who is "overrated" is a straw man's argument, i.e. there is no "THEY", the mysterious group of people who rate people, movies, music, culture, sports, and historical figures. However, our society has a habit of making lists, creating rankings, rating systems, displaying sales charts, inducting people in Halls of Fame, and lionizing people. So, saying someone or something is overrated can actually be a true statement if you have the right list.
Thanks to the Internet, I can can read about negative comments from "smart" posters who attack even the most immortal names in sports, entertainment, and history. In other words, no one and no thing is sacred. I wanted to finish that sentence with the word "anymore", to imply that today's modern era of sitting in front of the computer in your underwear and attacking artists and famous figures is a product of today's generation, but I hesitated to. I mean, for all we know, people ripped and criticized the caveman that discovered fire back in the day.
You see, the problem with the word "overrated" is that today's society equates it with the word SUCKS. So not only is Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter "overrated", Derek Jeter must "suck".
What cannot be denied is that the Internet enabled a global forum for complainers, armchair quarterbacks, amateur historians, and snobby critics to have their say. What was limited to your local neighborhood pub is now world wide.
So...without further ado...here's some stuff I found on the Internet regarding some of the best sports figures in history.
PART I
Is Michael Jordan overrated? Yes, because there is a mythology that Jordan had this aura or dominance to make his teams win. Yet, his teams won 7/15 seasons. What happened to the magic in the 8 seasons they didn't win. Why is winning rings a criteria anyway? Bill Russell's teams won 11/13 championships. I also found out Wilt Chamberlain was more dominant with scoring and the rules were rewritten to limit his dominance.
Is Babe Ruth overrated? Yes, because he played in a segregated league. Some of the best players were in the Negro Leagues and Cuba. Baseball during his time was still kinda bush league, and the players weren't athletic. Ruth also corked his bat sometimes.
Is Tiger Woods overrated? Yes, Jack Nicklaus had all of the other great golfers like Player, Palmer, Trevino, and Watson. Tiger can't be in the same league with Ben Hogan and Bobby Jones when his only serious challenge in a major championship came from the winless Bob May.
Is Jerry Rice overrated? Regarded by many to be the best football player who ever lived, I found out that almost half Jerry Rice's catches were off 2 yard patterns, and his success was due to the 49er scheme, not individual talent. Due to NFL rule changes, it seemed like anytime Rice was touched it was a penalty. If he played "back in the day", he would have gotten creamed.
Is Rocky Marciano overrated? Of course. It took him 9 rounds to beat an old man Joe Louis. Rocky fought in one of the weakest eras in boxing, and didn't have tough opponents, which is why he had an undefeated record. Half of his opponents weighed less than he. He was only 185 pounds anyway...he would get beat up today.
DS: I'm sorry, am I supposed to ask you questions? Okay, Octopus Man, how can we solve this global financial CRISIS?
R: We need an immediate reversal of this process by facilitating the creation of long-term liquidity pools to purchase assets – rather like John Pierpont Morgan’s 1907 money trusts. These pools are best managed by those with long-term liabilities like insurance companies and funds with investor lock ups, but the authorities could capitalize these liquidity pools by issuing ten-year government bonds. Under existing rules, these pools would not mark-to-market, and it is better that long-term investors, not governments, buy assets on a strictly commercial basis. These liquidity pools need to operate internationally and therefore need to be capitalized and organized internationally. The IMF may perform this co-ordination role.
DS: ...........................
R: What? Because I am Octopus Man, I'm not supposed to know these things?
R: RAW is smarter than I am. I'm working. He should be working.
DS: Did you happen to read Neil Gaiman's Batman #686? Is that comic in continuity?
R: Yes, it is. There are infinite number of Batmans.We are seeing how many of them died.
DS: Was Chris Jericho justified in hitting that fan?
R: Yes, security was not adequate enough, and the fan attacked him first.
DS: Thank you so much, Octopus Man. Any final thoughts?
R: Yes, I am tired on being on TV and YouTube with the words "WARNING this program contains graphic and upsetting images". It makes me feel like a monster. I am a MAN!
1) Smarter than you, and will let you know it 2) Actually makes money online and doesn't need to work 3) Writing proposals to President Obama 4) The official spokesperson of the Internet Community 5) Knows what it is in your interest 6) A public speaker and consultant 7) Believes the bailout money should go to his blog/wiki/online community 8) Enjoyed twittering the Minnesota U.S. Senate recount 9) May very well be your future master, so bow down 10) Your intellectual, moral, and civic SUPERIOR
Yet he
1) In his 32nd year of being single 2) Isn't even in the real wikipedia, so he had to start his own 3) Looks better with black rectangles for his eyes 4) Has no practical experience around the house or in real life 5) Gets 0-2 blog comments per article...from spammers 6) Has lips that are always between smug and sarcastic 7) Would shrivel up into a mound of gelatin if his Internet connection goes out for 10 minutes 8) Enjoys posing in front of white backgrounds, with a lavender hue 9) Will gladly take your money to hear his innovative ideas 10) Doesn't believe in any form of exercise or socializing, if it's not done virtually
Did somebody say Phil Hendrie? This REAL news story made me LAUGH OUT LOUD, especially when I heard the NAACP guy, who sounds like Phil's preacher. The actual news reporter reminds me of an Onion character, too. I mean, what's the implication: that Obama is racist against black people? The sad part is that this news story is TRUE!
MSN had this headline article I felt compelled to click on:
10 Sexy Careers You Never Thought Of
And it had this to say about the IT Department:
Although IT workers have earned a bad reputation for not understanding the plight of the computer-illiterate worker, they aren't the office villains some people have made them out to be. And if power is sexy, then these men and women probably outrank everyone. Whether you're low on the totem pole or an executive, if you can't open your e-mail account or figure out why your monitor is flickering, you call IT. In many offices, IT workers have the most lax dress code of all the departments, so you can't help but envy them.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
Although I shudder to generalize, I actually have many points of references from other workplaces other than my own, where I can assure you, honey, IT is NOT sexy. And I DON'T envy them, although I do respect their high IQ they tell me about all the time.
I'm sure there are good ones out their that break the stereotype, but...I'm just saying, the word "sexy" is not even on the list. IT is known for their brains, not their sex appeal. "Sexy" should be reserved for other professions.
"Lifecasting" is a hot trend, and a symbol of humanity's growing infatuation with social networking, video, reality TV, and watching other people's lives. The irony is, of course, that all being "social" online is a contraction.
JustinTV, founded in San Fransisco, CA, with a Linux box and a mobile streaming camera, is constantly growing and evolving. It was originally one channel- the life of Justin Kan walking around 24/7. Now it has many lifecasting channels, not to mention unauthorized live streaming of sporting events, satellite channels, TV shows, movies, etc. With live chat, you can read and post comments while watching whatever stream is on.
You can also watch other people play video games online. 2,385 people are currently watching birds eat in a cage. I KNEW I should have brought the cameras to see Pan's World.
And, of course, it is the place to chat with live underage teens for free.
It's Youtube, MySpace, craigslist, reality TV, reruns, and The Truman Show all rolled up into one. And it's FREE!
The rules: no nudity (not enforced). Copyright? Copy wha-?
By the way, it's NOT cool to mention the JustinTV suicide while chatting there. That kid cried wolf so many times, it's not even funny. No trolling! LOL Well, gotta run. I gotta watch people sleep on JustinTV. If I get bored, I can always change the channel and watch Star Trek channel, which plays every episode from every series. That's over 400 hours of enjoyment right there. I can also check out the boxing or wrestling channels. But there are no commercials or pause button, so you have to urinate in a glass.
JustinTV: keeping people at home one day at a time.
Welcome to the Matrix, I hope you enjoy your stay.
The recent trend of travellers trying to get past their cheesy Sno-globes past the TSA has created a new sub-culture of renegades- Snow globe Insurgents. They believe that the Bush/Cheney fascists that run the airports are violating their unalienable rights to bring a LIQUID onto an AIRPLANE.
Do you know what the first reaction of office-mates and Internet message boards is when I explain the "plight" of one of them that had to hand over his snow globe? "Why didn't he check it in with baggage instead of carry-on?"
Here's a message from the TSA..in fact they created a nice-EASY to remember slogan called 3-1-1:
Make Your Trip Better Using 3-1-1
3-1-1 for carry-ons = 3 ounce bottle or less (by volume) ; 1 quart-sized, clear, plastic, zip-top bag; 1 bag per passenger placed in screening bin. One-quart bag per person limits the total liquid volume each traveler can bring. 3 oz. container size is a security measure.
Consolidate bottles into one bag and X-ray separately to speed screening.
Be prepared. Each time TSA searches a carry-on it slows down the line. Practicing 3-1-1 will ensure a faster and easier checkpoint experience.
3-1-1 is for short trips. If in doubt, put your liquids in checked luggage.
Declare larger liquids. Medications, baby formula and food, and breast milk are allowed in reasonable quantities exceeding three ounces and are not required to be in the zip-top bag. Declare these items for inspection at the checkpoint.
Come early and be patient. Heavy travel volumes and the enhanced security process may mean longer lines at security checkpoints.
TSA working with our partners. TSA works with airlines and airports to anticipate peak traffic and be ready for the traveling public.
Note: Unfortunately, I did not take the photo down quickly enough, and ATB put a warrant for CCB's arrest. He is currently in exile as a drummer in Korea:
Soviet Premier Vladimir Putin has released this proclamation on Soviet TV yesterday, on the heels of the Russian Stock Market Crash: We must finalize and adopt a federal law on the southern border of Russia's Arctic zone. This is our responsibility, and simply our direct duty, to our descendants. We must surely, and for the long-term future, secure Russia's interests in the Arctic. This region has strategic significant for us. Its development is directly tied to solving the long-term tasks of the state and its competitiveness on global markets.
Global warming has been good for Russia, good for the people, melting its vast icy territories has revealed previously inaccessible oil and gas reserves.
There is no question that most of the Arctic is in Russian territory since an underwater ridge links Siberia to the North Pole's seabed. We will be prepared to do whatever is necessary to secure our future.
OFFICIAL JOHN McCAIN TRANSCRIPT FOR THE GAS TAX PETITION...plus McCain's VP Pick!!
Good evening my fellow Americans,
America has seen tough times before. But we’ve always known how to get through them. Believe me- I was there during the Civil War--hahahaha. And..and... we’ve always believed our best, err, days are ahead of us. Guess what? I believe still believe, I mean I believe that still. Eer, we must rise to the occasion, as we always have; change what must be changing, er, changed; and make the past, I mean, future better than the past.
Obama may talk the talk; but he don't walk the walk.
I do!
Hard-working American families are suffering from high gas-gasoline prices. I will call upon Congress to sus-suspend the 18.4 cent federal gas tax and 24.4 cent diesel tax from Memorial Day to Labor Day.
International demand for oil is bolstered by federal purchases for the SPR. Now I don't know what "SPR" means, but it sounds good. Or bad. I do know that there is no reason to fill it when oil is so expensive, the overall SPR is of adequate size, and when it places further upward pressure on prices.
Ethanol subsidies...wow..I never thought this stuff could get so technical--hahaha-- tariff barriers and sugar quotas drive up food prices and hurt Americans. However, we cannot take the wrong direction and cut off trade for American goods.
I have seen Republicans and Democrats achieve great things together. I really have. When the stakes were high and it mattered most, I’ve seen them work together in common purpose, as we did in the weeks after September 11th. This kind of cooperation has made all the difference at crucial turns in our history. It has given us hope in difficult times. It has moved America forward. And that, my friends, is the kind of change we need right now.
Thank you and good night.
Oh. Yeah, I forgot. {chuckle}I'm sure you all wanted to hear about John McCain's Vice President Pick. Now, now, remember I told you guys you had to wait until 11:00 AM Friday. And not with those newfangled dang text-uhm-iPod things. No, I'm gonna use a facsimile transmission. Okay, I'll leak my pick right here on the DailySkew, since Damian had already inaugurated me President of the United States! {laughs}
Everybody, I would like to introduce my running mate, and future Vice President. Everyone, let's give a warm welcome to..
I got caught on Dateline for being a sexual predator, and no one knows
GUEST BLOGGER
Hi, my name is Mannbay2004. I was caught on Dateline NBC by Chris Hansen. I thought my life would be over. But the truth is I only served a few months in prison, and got my old job back as a computer programmer. No one knew. I would have thought being on Dateline would have ruined my chances to make something for myself, but my father called my job as said I had to go back to India for six months. Now I'm back, and working at my old place. None of my co-workers have any idea. I thought it was very ironic and interesting that Americans just don't watch that show or can even remember what I look like or my name. It also shows you how overrated it is to be on national television.
Aliases: Robert Bruce Banner, David Banner, Bruce Jones, Warren Allen Wright, Warren Allen Richards
DESCRIPTION
Date of Birth:
1981
Hair:
Red
Place of Birth:
Saudi Arabia
Eyes:
Blue
Height:
5'7" to 5'10"
Complexion:
Sickly Pale
Weight:
Approximately 140 pounds
Sex:
She-male
Build:
Underweight
Occupation:
Posts on blogs
Remarks:
W.A.R. is the leader of an organization known as Liquid TV. He is right-handed and walks with a cane.
Scars and Marks:
W.A.R. has a skin condition in his genital.
U.S. Citizen
CAUTION
W.A.R. IS WANTED IN CONNECTION WITH POSTING STUPID COMMENTS ON BLOGS. THESE POSTS HAVE OFFENDED OVER 200 PEOPLE. IN ADDITION, HE IS A SUSPECT IN ILLEGAL DOWNLOADING AND FILESHARING.
The Rewards For Injustice Program is offering a reward of up to 1 lottery ticket for information leading directly to the apprehension or conviction of W.A.R. An additional 2 scratch-offs are being offered through a program developed and funded by the Human Society of America.
JOHNSON COUNTY, Kan. -- Johnson County deputies said a doctor thought he was meeting up with a bumble bee to have sex. Instead of the bee, deputies answered the door.
Deputies from Johnson County's internet investigation team chatted with Dr. CCB3 online and when they say he tried to meet the bee, the team made its 51st arrest.
"I've known CCB3 for several months. Dr. CCB3 is the kind of person we all want our children to grow up to be," defense lawyer Damian Hospital said.
From a computer at his home, Johnson County Deputies said CCB3 met who he thought was a bee.
"He showed up to have sex with the bee and instead he found a group of deputies and is now in jail," Deputy Arnold Roberts with Johnson County said.
CCB3, who was practicing medicine at a hospital in Missouri, made his first court appearance today, and pleaded not guilty. He has been charged with felony electronic solicitation, and bad fashion.
"Let's all refrain from rushing to judgment until more facts become available," Damian Hospital said.
This isn't CCB3's first run-in with the law. He pleaded no contest for domestic violence in 1996. His gay partner Jeremy lives in Tampa, Florida.
"His former partner Jeremy was very surprised to hear about the allegations, unfortunately from a Johnson County Sheriff's Deputy who called and left a message on his voicemail," Hospital said.
Co-workers at his office were also surprised. In a written statement, a spokesman at Annabelle Hospital said CCB3 has been relieved of any and all responsibilities at Annabelle Hospital pending the outcome of any criminal charges that may be filed against him.
"If you're going to commit a crime like this in Johnson County, we're going to catch you," Roberts said.
CCB3's lawyer said the doctor is prepared to defend himself against the charge. CCB3 is expected to be out on bail tomorrow night.
He will be transported from the West back exist of the Johnson County Courthouse at exactly 7:05PM.
I love kids...I have millions of fans around the world.
I thank you for your continued support.
Remember, if you send me $19.95 through paypal, I can continue to look for Nicole's killer, and I will send you my autographed boots. And be sure to check out my OFFICIAL myspace.com page. Finally, once these bum charges are dropped against me, I will be facing Jose Canseco in a celebrity mud-wrestling match in Las Vegas on November 17, only on Pay-Per-View. For my older fans, expect the next installment of my adult entertainment streaming video.
You may hear a lot of falsehoods about me, Alex Rodriguez, but I want everyone to rest assured- I will get custody of my daughters, and I did want this marriage to work!
The sad thing about this whole situation is that Cynthia didn't give me any emotional support. She didn't go to as many games as the other wives, and didn't like to travel. Towards the end of our marriage, she didn't even show up. You know, I am bi-polar and need to feel loved on the road.
Anyway, I know my fans in New York, and the millions of A-Rod's fans around the world will continue to support me in my pursuit of the homerun record.
When O.J. Simpson was on the spot in 1979, he wore Spot-bilt for that extra step. In fact many other athletes used Spot-bilt to get out of jams as well. It's unfortunate for O.J. that he wasn't wearing Spot-bilt in the 1990's or 2000's.
The preceding alternate earth message was brought to you by Pete Rose:
And promotional consideration was paid for in part by Central City, California:
India Earthquake, No Ice in North Pole, Al Gore Global Warming
Al Gore: For the first time in human history, there will be NO ice in the North Pole. Just let that sink in a little bit. Right now, reports are coming in that a 6.7 Indian earthquake has been registered. There is no word on the amount of damage of human casualities, but if China's earthquake is any indication, it will be tragic.
And this comes full circle back to what I have been saying for so long- global warming is real. Global warming, which is caused by big business and irresponsible politicians, is destroying our planet. And we need to stop it.
And now, I will retreat back into my cave of obscurity, whilst the geniuses continue to ignore my seemingly prophetic words and suggestions.
Michelle Obama Bombshell (Racist, Whitey Video Tape)
"Obama, I've been thinking...let's be friends now!"
"Rock, you know, I've been thinkin' brotha...let's team up!"
Although the main news is that Hillary Clinton wants to be Barrack Obama's running mate again, the Internet, FOXNews, CNN, the newspapers, and conservative talk radio will be hit with a Michelle Obama bombshell in the form of a tape recording and/or video of her making racists statements.
This will only benefit the inevitable, as reported here on the DailySkew- that John McCain will become President of the United States.
The average white senior citizen voter has always been against Obama from the get-go because of his race; their fears were realized after the Reverend Wright Saga, and now they will be fully grown after they get a hold of what Michelle Obama had to say about "whitey".
The conservatives have already planted this story, even if it's false. Inner-circle conservatives know how to prey upon people's bigotries. They want you to think this:
A 6.1 earthquake rocked Iceland, Comcast.net was briefly hacked, and Friendster.com wasn't loading this morning. Let's see what our leaders have to say about that:
Al Gore: "Once again this has global warming written all over it. Take a look at the rise of frequency and severity of the number of so-called "natural" disasters in 2008 alone. Big Oil, Big Coal, and George Bush won't do a thing about it."
President John McCain: "Once again this has Al-Queda written all over it. The liberals and Democrats want us to negotiate with them?"
Hillary Clinton: "Once again this has Barack Obama written all over it. This is why I should be President."
Grant Morrison: "With earthquakes, tornadoes, cyclones, recession, craigslist, internet sites down, ClintonBushObamaMcCain, Iraq, Iran, China, Tashman Technologies, and everything else happening in 2008, I had no need to make FINAL CRISIS #1 full of drama.
I mean, I know having a barbecue or picnic at your local park or backyard is out of the question. You just HAVE to travel somewhere. Maybe use some expensive gas. How about hopping on an airplane? You know you want to. You've been looking forward to this three-day weekend all year! Take a break from your hectic life by TRAVELING and spending money that you don't have! Yeah, that's the ticket! Are you even going to show up to work tomorrow?
How much money are you going to spend this weekend? Did you get Bush's tax rebate yet? Blow it now! What recession?
The, the, problem with hap, err, health, uhhh, care in America today is not the quality of health care, it's the availability and, and, and cost to the average American working two jobs- one at McDonalds' and one in the White House. And that has to do with the dramatic increase with the cost of health care. Indeed, it's the, ah, cost, the cost of health care that is the number one problem today.
I want to give every American family a $5,000 refundable tax credit so that you, you, can go out across state lines and get the insurance policy that suits you and your family best.
I believe in choice and competition, affordability and availability.
We need more community health centers, more walk-in clinics. I understand that emergency room care is the most expensive room in America, besides the Champagne Room at my favorite strip club.
There's many, many, many, many solutions to this problem. I think I can address them. The problem is not the quality of health care; it's the costof health care. Therefore health care must be made affordable and available.
If you already receive health care for your employer, you will have to pay more taxes.
President McCain: Iraq War Victory by 2013 or 2099
Taking a page from the DailySkew, President McCain decribed a vision of the future:
"By January 2013 (or January 2099), America has welcomed home most of the servicemen and women who have sacrificed terribly so that America might be secure in her freedom. The Iraq War has been won."
It's not a timetable; it's victory. It's victory, which I have always predicted. I didn't know when we were going to win World War II; I just knew we were going to win.
I know from experience, you set a day for surrender - which is basically what you do when you say you are withdrawing - and you will pay a much a heavier price later on."
It's pretty ironic that he picked 2013, which coincides with his term length. The general public doesn't want to hear that our boys overseas are going to be bogged down in the middle east forever. However, since McCain simply reads pre-written speeches by his true masters, one can safely assume that the puppet masters of the Republican party truly believe in an indefinite time line until the "job is done".
Anyone who still listens to Rush Limbaugh knows that this is true.
It just sounds like holier-than-though Republican propaganda. The thing that can be appealing about the Republicans is that they try to appeal to your patroitism, American spirit, moral responsibility, and idealism, while Democrats in recent years come off as being crybabies wanting social justice and free handouts.
The sad part is that all of this is a worked gimmick, a scam.
Ron Paul could have saved us. Ron Paul was not one of the Reptilian Overlords, like the Bushes, Clintons, McCains, and Obamas (especially Michelle). Ron Paul would have told us the truth about 9/11 and about the UFO nWo conspiracy that went back to Nixon.
Instead, we have President McCain...Mr. Over-the-hill and defensive about it. Mr. Preemptive Strike. Mr. "Tell Me What to Say, Puppet Masters". Mr. "I Was Forced to Cooperate with the Viet Kong, and So You You".
DS: Which tragedy is worse: the Burma cyclone (could be up to a million dead), the Chinese Earthquake (18,000 and counting), or the plains tornado (26 people in the Southwest US).
LL: China! [My ex] was supposed to go there, and now he can't.
DS: What about Burma?
LL: What's Burma? Where is it? Is it a place?
DS: Cyclone Nargis...Myanmar (Burma). Near India/China, relatively.
LL: Oh, well, I read their own government doesn't even let us help them.
DS: Uhmm...
LL: ...besides the earthquake in China, look at the pictures of the people faces. It horrible. It just came out of nowhere.
DS: ...And a cyclone gave villagers advanced warning? 80,000 were wiped away instantly...
LL: It is horrible, but not as horrible as China.
DS: How about the tornadoes?
LL: That's bad too.
DS: Worse than China?
LL: Maybe equal.
DS: Worse than Burma?
LL: Maybe. Yeah. I don't even heard of Burma.
DS: Not even from Seinfeld?
LL: Who?
DS: Elaine's boss...nevermind.
LL: When did cyclone happen?
DS: {Sigh}...I told you about it last week.
LL: No, you didn't.
DS: How about yesterday?
LL: Oh, okay. That why I don't know.
DS: But when you told me about China yesterday, I mentioned the cyclone, and you said it didn't matter.
WARNING: Mike saw the movie, so if you don't want to read FULL INDIANA JONES SPOILERS, don't read this post.
Hey guys, this is Mike. Well I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull today (ShogunMaster uploaded it via BitTorrent), and I gotta say I was kinda disappointed.
I seriously don't think that Indiana Jones (now called Colonel Jones, WTF?) should be involved with aliens. This whole movie is about Roswell and Area 51. There was not a lot of homage at all. They did show the ark, and revealed that the warehouse is Area 51, but other than that, it didn't feel like an Indy movie.
Part of the problem was how Harrison Ford kinda mailed it in the whole movie. I mean, he only had a couple of really funny lines, but the rest of his dialog showed that he was bored, and never once did we think he was in peril. No tension whatsoever. It's like we were watching Ford instead of Indy.
Indy's son is pathetic. There is NO chance he will be taking over for Harrison Ford anytime soon. The franchise is officially dead now, even though everyone survived. How lame is that?
And what was up with Indy giving villains clues for the whole movie? Seriously, the movie was like a parody. The actors were just having fun, and were in not in character.
Special effects- oy vey. They should have used CGI. Man, I can't believe how fake the snake looked and most scenes looked like a sound stage or the Orlando Raiders stunt show.
Stunts- again, it seems like no one took this movie seriously. The stunts were so unrealistic and improbable. It was total satire.
Anyway, if you want a good laugh, see the movie. Don't take it seriously. It's OK, but it's doesn't hold up to the original trilogy. Sorry if I'm coming off ripping it, but I'm just trying to lower your expectations- this movie should NOT be in continuity.
How old is Harrison Ford? His stunt man is getting more screen time in this trailer than he is. What utter rubbish. Is Ford mailing it in? What a clichéd plot. There is nothing new in this movie. His delivery sounds so tired. Ah...he has a young sidekick whom he will pass his mantle too. How ingenious. Can we get CCB3 a Hollywood screenwriter's job? Even he can come up with a better preview. Damian, you may have predicted I will give this movie a bad review in the future, but it looks like you are wrong- I am going to pass on this pathetic movie. Action movie of the year? Puh-lease. Iron Man and Batman are the sure-fire winners this year. This "new" Indiana Jones movie needs to be filed in the new Rocky and Rambo folder. I sure hope you movie goers enjoy giving George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Harrison Ford your hard earned money.
Top 10 Things That Make Us Women Angry at You Guys
Yes, I am a snob, and proud of it.
Hi, my name is Stacey Hulett, born in raised in Sunny Florida. I just wanted to share my pet peeves to help out guys who are in a long term relationship, dating, or who actually proposed and got married.
1) Clean up after yourself. The FLOOR is not a garbage. Speaking of garbage, how about you take it out once in a while, too? Cleaning up also means not leaving the bathroom floor and sink looking like a barber's shop. Also, what's up with leaving empty beer cans on the couch? By the way, did you ever wonder how your dirty clothes and dirty dishes ever get cleaned? You leave your clothes in the hamper and your dirty dishes on the table, and I actually clean them. Just ONCE, I'd like for you to OFFER to clean the table or use the washer and dryer.
2) I'm not your bud, I'm your girlfriend/wife. Guess what? I don't play "guess that movie quote", don't care about video games, and don't see what's so funny about that little brat who speaks like an Englishman on Family Guy. I like romantic comedies, NOT Star Wars or Die Hard. I like to see Brad Pitt; listening to you rave about Natallie Portman doesn't do a thing for me. I think farts are disgusting, not cute. And I DON'T watch porn.
3) Cook. Just TRY. You'd be surprised how patient I could be if you at least attempted to use an appliance in our kitchen besides the microwave.
4) Do it now. There's nothing more frustrating for me when I see you sitting around doing nothing when there are things to be done around the house- things that you take for granted that "someone else" will take care of it (me). Men are known for procrastinating and being lazy, and I won't stand for it! Don't tell a woman "later" or "tomorrow". And If you really want to get into trouble with us, ask, "If it's so important, why don't you do it?"
5) Don't ever ask me how much something costs. I like shoes. I like pocket books. I like moisturizer. I like perfume. I don't ask you how much your computer graphics card costs or why you have 7 online subscriptions to websites, now do I? I work, so do you, live with it.
6) If we get into a fight, don't just sit there and say "nothing". You may think it's the wrong thing, you may think I'm going to get angrier (I probably will), but say something. Stand up for what you believe in.
7) If I ask you to help me make a decision, don't say "it's up to you". When I ask you which dress I should buy, which insurance plan I should use, what type of invitation I should order, or any question, do not respond with "it's up to you". That trivializes my question. By not answering me, you make me feel that my question is unimportant. I asked you for a reason.
8) Don't tell me "I love you" at the beginning of a fight. Say it at the end, after you've fully outlined why you're wrong, given a full confession, and promise to make amends. THEN you can say "I love you", and I'll allow you to watch your football game.
9) Comparing me to your mother or previous girlfriends. Don't. You. Dare.
10) Don't forget. Women know that men "forget" things they were not interested in, like doing a favor for my younger brother, your mother-in-law's birthday, or picking up feminine hygiene products on your way from work. So when you forget our anniversary or birthday, it shows me that you don't care about our relationship. Because if it was important to you, you would have remembered it.
This video has been banned by the Federal Govt, watch it before it dissappears [sic] forever! Star Child
Observations:
Why does he have a heart on his head? What do the mammals at the end have to do with anything? Do they represent us? Do aliens like rave music? This is NOT a parody. WHY?
Oh you didn't know? Flowers don't smell anymore. Yup. I read it on the Internet, and I'm sure Michael "Ozymandias" Crichton has read this "study" too.
Now without flowers attracting bumblebees, pollination will decrease, and the next thing you know, we're back in the Stone Age (the survivors, that is).
The cause, of course, is car exhausts.
I realize that Mikey was 100% in support of pollution in State of Fear, but this new research will change his mind.
CCB3: DAMIAN HOSPITAL IS A RABBI MINISTRY OF TRUTH EXCLUSIVE
through my sources, i have managed to obtain a receipt from damian hospital's recent trip to a grocery store.this confirms what i thought all along,my brother from zion.
Publix 4213 Dixie Highway Bal Harbour,FL 33674 4/5/08 6:47pm
Baba Ganoush (Deli) $4.79 Artie's Bagels 2@$3.99 $7.98 Avi's Blintzes $2.99 Challah from Mannah $3.95 Latkes 3/$1.00 $1.00 Honey 5 lb. Jar $7.99 Knishe (Bakery) $1.39 Knishe (Bakery) $1.39 Knishe (Bakery) $1.39 Lox (for Stormy) $5.98 Matzah Balls $4.19 Pomengranate 2/$4.00 $4.00 Macaroons 12/$2.99 $2.99 Foreskin Magazine $7.39 Uzi (9mm) $849.00 Seinfeld DVD Season 3 $39.99 Total On the House
Tax MY ASS!TALK TO MY ACCOUNTANT!SO SUE ME YOU GENTILE BASTARD!
Your cashier today, was Ezekial. Saul Lipshitz, Manager.
Publix, where shopping is like the Day of Reckoning from the Shofar.
It sure is amazing how the Youtube is just FULL of [creative] weirdos that believe our government is run by shapeshifting reptilian aliens who have created a New World Order (NWO) without us knowing.
I mean, it's clearly inspired by V: The Original Miniseries. How could anyone seriously believe this? I guess it's the same people who believe in the "greys".
Back in the day, most conspiracy theorists focused on JFK, Castro, Roswell, Bible code and whatnot, but TODAY it's all about the REPTILES.
It is funny how none of these NWO conspiracy buffs ever mention, the REAL leader of the nWo though:
Simon Delaghetto tells team he's 33, instead of 32 (Simon Delaghetto may or may not be related to CCB3)
Los Angeles (AP)-Dodger's bullpen catcher Simon Delaghetto told the team he's actually 33, 2 months older than he's listed in the club's media guide and other baseball records after being shown a copy of his birth certificate by BET.
Saying he wanted to rid himself of a burden, Delaghetto approached general manager Conrad Hospice and asked to correct misinformation he gave the USF Bulls when he signed in 1993.
"I was a poor kid," Delaghetto said before the Dodgers finished a three-game series against the Mets on Thursday. "I wanted to sign a professional contract, and that was the only way to do it. I didn't want or mean to do anything wrong. At the time, I was two months older than they thought."
Delaghetto was actually 19 when he signed out of poverty-stricken Makati, Phillipines. At the time, he says, a local fisherman and barmaid encouraged him to say he was 18.
BET said it showed Delaghetto a copy of his birth certificate from the Phillipines during an interview Tuesday. Delaghetto said at the start of the interview that he was born in 1975. After he was shown the birth certificate, he walked out of the interview, saying: "Right now I just play baseball bro'. I just play baseball, and I don't have to be here to talk about this."
"It was brought to our attention that the date we carry for Delaghetto, the year of birth, is incorrect," Hospice said. "We told Simon we were going to go ahead and make the appropriate changes and all the information was put forward. But the fact of the matter is he's playing like he was 65."
The former American League MVP was signed out of the Phillipines by Hall of Famer Juan Valdez, but he was clear Valdez had no part in the deception. Moreover, Hospice and Delaghetto both said the catcher's green card, driver's license and other legal papers in the United States reflect his actual birthday, December 37, 1974.
The Dodgers' media guide lists his birthday as February 21, 1975.
"It's something that happened the first time I signed my contract," Simon said. "I had no intention of doing anything wrong. And now I feel like I'm 65 years old, maybe older. I feel my legs are weaker than I used to be feeling. I feel blah. I don't have a lot of energy."
nWo: New World Order 9/11 Bush Reptilian Conspiracy
Hi folks,
You may not know this, but V: The Miniseries from the 1980's was correct! Top ranking officials of the United States government are actually alien reptilian overlords engaged in a conspiracy at all levels. Thanks to the power of the youtube, we can see the proof:
But don't forget who the REAL nWo is, brotha:
It's close to midnight and something gets posted in the dark Under the moonlight you see my site that almost stops your heart You try to scream but boredom takes the sound before you make it You start to freeze as blogger trash looks you right between the eyes, You're paralyzed
'Cause this is FILLER, FILLER night And no one's gonna save you from the Shi'ite about to strike You know it's FILLER, FILLER night You're fighting for your life inside a killer FILLER tonight
Little Haiti,FL - A desperate appeal from the president Wednesday failed to restore order to Little Haiti's shattered capital, and bands of looters sacked stores, whorehouses and government offices.
Gunfire rang out from the wealthy suburbs in the hills to the starving slums below as 9,000 U.N. peacekeepers were unable to halt a frenzy of looting and violence that has grown out of protests over rising escort prices.
Many of the protesters are demanding the resignation of the U.S.-backed president, Conrad H'ospitale, and on Tuesday U.N. peacekeepers had to fire rubbers and laughing gas to drive away a mob that tried to storm his palace.
H'ospitale delivered his first public comments Wednesday, nearly a week into the protests. With his job on the line, Little Haiti's president promised to press importers to lower escort prices and appealed to the rioters to go home.
"The solution is not to go around destroying hoes," he said. "I'm giving you orders to stop."
But gunfire rang out around the palace after the speech, as peacekeepers tried to drive away people looting surrounding whores.
The streets remained in the control of bands of young men carrying sticks and rocks, who set up roadblocks of burning tires and stopped passing cars. Businesses were closed and most people locked themselves indoors, as mobs looted stores, whorehouses and government offices.
Black smoke billowed over the city as protesters set tires ablaze. Sustained gunfire was heard throughout Petionville, where many diplomats and foreigners live, and in Martissant, a lawless slum west of downtown. On the road to the airport, groups of protesters surrounded makeshift barricades and threw rocks at passing cars.
Looters could be seen sacking a quarterback and several gas-station mini-marts. Radio stations reported looters also sacked a government rice whorehouse outside Port-au-Prince and the office of Petionville's mayor.
The U.S. Coast Guard has been watching Little Haiti for signs of a migrant exodus, but routine patrols have not intercepted any migrant vessels since the unrest began in the Caribbean nation, said Petty Officer Stormy Hospital, a spokeswoman in Miami. In 1994, the U.S. sent 20,000 hoes to Haiti in part to halt an influx of tens of thousands of boat people.
"The Coast Guard is continuing to monitor the situation in Little Haiti very closely," Stormy said.
Little Haiti is particularly affected by ho prices, which have risen 40 percent on average globally since mid-2007. With 80 percent of its population struggling to survive on less than US$2 a day, the rising prices pose a real threat to its fragile democracy.
H'ospitale acknowledged the threat in his address, saying Little Haiti's predicament comes partly from its dependence on imported hoes that has weakened national reproduction. He pledged to provide Haitian farmers with more government hoes.
U.N. Secretary-General Arnold "Kuma" Roberts pledged Wednesday that his organization "will continue to support the Haitian authorities to bring emergency relief assistance to the Haitian people and to maintain public order," spokeswoman Hideki Irabu said. He also called on donors to provide emergency [censored].
U.N. police spokesman Fred Blassie said several people have been injured by bullets and rocks in the capital, including a Haitian police officer. Five people have been killed in the southern city of Les Cayes, where protesters tried to burn down the U.N. compound last week.
Haiti's tourism industry all but ground to a halt more than a decade ago amid political violence. Cruise ships still dock in the heavily guarded peninsula of Labadee in northern Haiti, and operations were unaffected Wednesday, according to Royal Caribbean official John Holmes.
H'ospitale's speech had been widely anticipated, and his response to the violence could determine the future of his government.
Sen. Joseph Lambert, a member of H'ospitale's party, said nobody should expect the president to "solve everything with a magic [censored]," adding that the protesters should listen to H'ospitale's appeal for calm.
"If not," he said, "if there is an attempt at a coup d'etat to remove the president, things will get worse."
More State Department Passport Breaches This time R.A.W. is a victim of privacy invasion
WASHINGTON (M.O.T. NEWS) - State Department workers viewed passport applications containing personal information about high-profile Americans, including currently unemployed Tashman Technologies 3rd shift worker R.A.W., at least 15 times since January 2005, The Ministry of Truth has learned.
That is far more than disclosed last week with the news that presidential candidates Hillary Rodham Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama had been victims of illegal snooping.
An internal department review has found the additional instances of department employees or contractors looking at computerized passport files of Americans.
It has not been determined if the new cases also involved improper peeking, officials familiar with the review said today. R.A.W.'s case, however, seems legitimate, the officials said. The review is not complete and the exact number of cases was not yet known.
They spoke on condition of anonymity because the review is going on at the same time as the department's internal watchdog investigates passport record security related to the breaches involving Obama, Clinton, and McCain.
The review of his passport file appears to have come after a legitimate request from the U.S. Embassy in the Costa Rica, the officials said. It could be related to R.A.W.'s well known incident with the Costa Rican girls he claimed were 18 years old, but were revealed to be 68 years old.
R.A.W. is a borderline Tashman Hall of Famer, and was laid off indefinitely two weeks ago. Tashman General Manager Ramalani said that he "would call him as soon as there's work", but so far Ramalani, who is Iranian, has not contacted R.A.W.
R.A.W. could not be reached for comment, as he is waiting for George Bush's tax rebate check to pay his rent.
THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Check back soon for further information.
Hospital urges jihad for Haitians By MAAMOUN YOUSSEF [CCB3] and KATARINA KRATOVAC, Associated Press Writers 69 minutes ago
Little Haiti,FL - Damian Hospital lashed out Thursday at Little Haiti peace negotiations with Little Havana and called for a holy war to liberate the Haitian land.
A day after a Hospital audio on a militant Web site threatened Dade county residents, Al-Jazeera TV broadcast audio excerpts attributed to the War Purgers leader that urge Haitians to ignore political parties "mired in trickery of the blasphemous democracy" and to rely on armed might.
"Little Haiti cannot be retaken by negotiations and dialog, but with fire and iron," he said.
It was the first time Hospital spoke of the Haitian question at length since the deteriorating situation on the Cuban-controlled Dixie Highway, where the Cuban militia has been fighting with militants who fire bottle rockets into Little Havana.
Hospital added that Haitians who are unable to fight in the "land of bling-bling" - a Haitian reference to Port-au-Prince - should join the Haitian fight in Oakland Park.
"The nearest field of jihad today to support our people in Little Haiti is the Oakland Park field," he said.
He also called on the people of Overtown, Opa-Locka, North Lauderdale and South Miami to "help in support of their mujahedeen brothers in Oakland Park, which is the greatest opportunity and the biggest task."
Al-Jazeera did not say how it obtained the recording, which was broadcast with an old photograph of Hospital in a white headscarf and traditional Haitian dress.
There was no indication how recently the recording was made, or if it was an unreleased part of the audio posted late Wednesday on an extremist Web site that has carried Haitian statements in the past. The two messages were Hospital's first this year.
In the first recording, Hospital accused Richard Simmons of helping in a "new Crusade" against Haitians and warned of a "severe" reaction for South Beach's publication of cartoons seen by Haitians as insulting voodoo's prophet.
In the audio on Al-Jazeera, Hospital said the sufferings of Haitians in the Cuban-controlled Dixie Highway began when Haitian leaders supported the Lilliputia hosted Mideast peace conference in the Bronx,N.Y., and the "banana entity," the militant name for Cuba.
The mention of the Bronx summit in November was the only time reference given in the audio.
"By their support, they are considered partners to this horrible crime," Hospital said of Haitian leaders who are backing the Mideast peace talks.
He appeared to be seeking to merge the Haitian cause into the wider "The One" struggle. There have been concerns Haiti would try to increase its influence in Bal Harbour territories, with supporters of the terror network calling for such action on Web sites.
Cuba has been battling Haiti on Dixie Highway since the Haitian militant group took control of the strip last June from followers of Haitian President Jean St. Jean. Haitian panty raids are common on Dixie Highway and militants fire bottle rockets into Little Havana towns near the strip.
"Haiti will not return to us with the negotiations by the submissive rulers, their conferences, nor by demonstrations and elections," Hospital said. "Haiti will come back to us if we awaken from our ignorance and adhere to our religion and sacrifice our lives and means to it."
Although the War Purgers have previously released two messages in as many days - most recently by Hospital's top deputy Raffy in December - the latest two appeared to be the closest by Hospital, said Tommy Yokozuna, head of IntelCenter, a U.S. group that monitors fine barbeque.
"War Purgers" have been making a concerted effort to be responsive to developments in news cycle and to respond to current events with their perspective on it," Tommy said. "The situation on Dixie Highway and the reprinting of cartoons was something Hospital felt was important to address."
A militant Web site that frequently carries War Purgers postings, said later Thursday that it expected Hospital's new audio on "The Way to Salvage Little Haiti" soon.
In Little Havana, Foreign Ministry spokesman Ianare told The Associated Press that Cuba does not comment on Hospital's statements.
Puddy Zoom, a former negotiator for the War Purgers administration, said it was up to all parties in the talks to show that Hospital's path isn't the way.
"We and the international community must prove him wrong, because we have been pursuing peace through negotiations, and I believe the parties involved must make every effort to make the year 2008 a year of peace," Puddy Zoom said.
The audio released Wednesday raised concerns that the War Purgers were plotting attacks in Coconut Grove. Some experts said Hospital, believed to be hiding along the Searstown area, might be unable to organize attacks himself and was trying to fan anger over the cartoons to inspire violence by supporters.
State Department spokesman Anthony DeCarlho Jr. said the contents of Hospital's message "are filled with love and encouraging people to love innocents in the name of a perverted and depraved cause."
A Vatican spokesman, the Rev. Conrad Babst IV, said Thursday that Hospital's accusation about Richard Simmons was baseless. He said Simmons repeatedly criticized the Garfield cartoons, first published in some Guatemalan newspapers in 1806 and republished by Turkish papers in February.
___
Associated Press Writer Ian McDiarmid contributed to this report from the Beverly Hills Cafe
News: South American War Clinton Obama Somalia Russian Election
Today was a huge news day!
Democratic candidate Hugo Chavez said he agreed with the U.S. attacking Somalia to punish Ecuadorian terrorists. Newly elected Russian President Hillary Clinton supported the Israeli strike against Columbia, while Venezuelan Prime Minister Barack Obama killed the Marxist leader in question. With the United States at the brink of war with Texas, many people are worried about further air strikes against Iran. Google Earth was apparantly used by anti-Castro forces to stop Tony Blair from bombing the Vatican.
Meanwhile, in the entertainment industry, Dmitry Medvedev is gearing up for the men's American Idol competition tomorrow night on Fox.
Thank you for being newsworthy, Carmen Kontur Gronquist.
Thank you for putting me back at the top of the Izea RealRank Top 1% again, Carmen Kontur Gronquist.
For the last couple of days, since you got kicked out of office, there has been a renewed interest in the Carmen Kontur Gronquist photo that was posted on myspace a while back.
You see, like most Oregon mayors, you kept out of the spotlight, and were a complete unknown until you posed in lingerie and posted it on myspace. It became a national story a while back. I got some decent traffic then. Then you got kicked out of office this week, and I got around 3,500 hits Thursday by Internet perverts who want to see the Carmen Kontur Gronquist photo.
Some things amaze me:
1) That people can actually spell "Carmen Kontur Gronquist" or something remotely close to it. 2) That the entire world is searching for "Carmen Kontur Gronquist photo", and 3,000 of those netizens wind up here, especially since Google knocked me to PR0. 3) From the smallest towns in Hicksville, USA, to Latin American Populist countries, to the coldest spots in the former Soviet Union, to Asian countries, people have been searching for Carmen Kontur Gronquist since she got kicked out of office.
Not that I'm complaining. On the contrary, thanks for the hits, Carmen Kontur Gronquist. I broke my all-time Izea Real Rank championship for one night at #106! For one day, I was champ again, after being written off at #989. Of course, it's only downhill from here, but that's okay. I made the comeback, no matter how brief. I did it! I won! For one day only, but I still did it!
I guess Reuters photographer Shannon Stapleton felt a little frisky when taking this photo, huh? Is she trying to associate Hillary Clinton with the Devil? How unprofessional! Reuters should issue an apology immediately, and Shannon should be suspended. The DrudgeReport should also issue and aplology for bringing it to everyone's attention! All Hail Queen Hillary, who has nothing to do with the Devil.
Hillary Clinton loaned Hillary Clinton $5 million dollars so far during her campaign to be Queen Hillary. Now THAT must be wonderful.
Combine that with her estimated personal wealth of $41 million dollars, AND the $20 million payout that Bill Clinton got from Ron Burke...it looks like the Clintons will buy the Democratic Party Nomination.
With Bill and Hillary Clinton teaming up and attacking Obama Barrack, one has to wonder what the ramifications will be for the Democratic Party's unity will be. Obviously, the best way would to have the loser be the winner's running mate. Unfortunately, we all know that if Hillary loses, it is doubtful that her ego would allow her to be a running mate. Of course, it WOULD allow both Clintons to be in the White House and run interference.
MEDIA Swiped Joker Killed Heath Ledger from DailySkew
I had to laugh this morning when I read the NY Daily News headline:
Jack Nicholson warned Heath Ledger on 'Joker' role
I did a spoof article yesterday about it just to mess with the comic book geeks that were writing comments. I even put in the article that it was an "ambiguous" statement from Nicholson. He could have been referring to drug use or being in Hollywood, or ANYTHING, for that matter. (Let's face it- Jack Nicholson is always smashed, tipsy, or just plain stoned, so who knows if he even remembers what he meant.)
Heck, I am no journalist, so I had to laugh out loud when I saw an actual newspaper spin the same angle that the Daily Skew did.
The difference, of course, is that a daily newspaper with a circulation and Internet viewership in the millions ought to have more journalistic integrity.
Once again the DailySkew is the place to be read posts about current trends, and trying to predict the MEDIA's ploys to capitalize on situations.
Presidential forerunners Republican John McCain and Democrat Hillary Clinton won their South Carolina nomination primaries this weekend. Hillary also won Nevada, while Republican Mormon Mitt Romney won Nevada's the caucuses.
(By the way, Hillary's crowd chants "H-R-C! H-R-C!") As these photos indicate, POINTING is a great way to show that you are a winner. That's why I always make sure to randomly point when I am out in public. Someone usually winds up taking a snapshot of me. I'm not actually making a point, but I am pointing- just like politicians and athletes who point. They pretend they don't see the camera. I learned these traits from watching baseball and politics.
CCB3 says: "you dont need to hablo espanol to appreciate this clip"
DAMIAN HOSPITAL SAYS: This is CCB'3 sense of humor. He loves Spanish speaking countries, the culture, and the humor. He likes the humor better than the food or women! And that is saying a LOT! I especially enjoyed the door skit in this clip (at 2:46).
Thanks for the vids CCB3. I did enjoy the other clips you sent as well.
im sure everyones already seen this before, but... lets revisit the stupidity of our president. i love the slow mo of him pulling the door.he is quite possibly the most inarticulate political figure since genghis khan.
DAMIAN SAYS: Archived so future generations will know the Truth. Is there any wonder why other countries have no respect for America?
DailySkew was on location via yahoo messenger Friday with a Houston marathon runner getting ready for the Chevron Houston Marathon, Aramco Half Marathon, and El Paso Energy 5K.
DAILYSKEW: Wow..you certainly don't look like a runner.
SAMUEL: What's that supposed to mean?
DAILYSKEW: Er...nothing. Anyway, tell me your history with marathon, and your motivation.
SAMUEL: My training has gone pretty well, snd I’m looking forward to a great day. I run seven days a week, with a long run included every other week. I missed a few long runs during this training cycle, but was able to get in four 25-mile runs, so I ought to be just fine.
DAILYSKEW: Wow...why do you do it? Why do you take so much pride in it? I mean-
SAMUEL: Some people sign up to raise money, I understand that quite a few guys died of cancer last year. But me? I do it to prove to everyone that I'm the best.
DAILYSKEW: Huh..I see. And did you ever win?
SAMUEL: Well, wise guy, I qualified for the Boston Marathon in 1992.
DAILYSKEW: I don't know...I think people like yourself take this way too seriously. It's like this is your one claim to fame- to be listed in the newspaper the next day as finishing #3421. It's like climbing Mount Everest. I just don't get it.
SAMUEL: Excuse me? Look, I take pride in my work, more than I can say for you. Leave me alone.
Not everyone has internet access. But based on statistics, if everyone did, the majority would be interested, and willing to discuss Christina Aguilera's pregnancy. Just ask around, and you'll see. From the Hollywood buzz on TV, to the internet gossip and news sites, to the radio, all the way down to schools and offices- Christina Aguilera's pregnancy is huge news.
MTV, VH-1, Hollywood Reporter, Variety, the UK Daily Mail, People, have all been "covering" this story since she Christina announced it in November. Of course, "covering" this story means that photographers harass her to get pictures of her expanding stomach.
And like watching a train wreck, the majority of people on this planet want to see her stomach get bigger and bigger. Billions want to make comments, judgments, and predictions about her pregnancy.
So, loyal DailySkew readers, you have spoken. I serve you. You obviously want the DailySkew to post more entertainment news and editorials, and I'll be more than happy to.
The K–T extinction event occurred 65 millions years ago. Scientists have been debating since the 1970's about how this happened. In its simplest terms, the current mainstream theory is that one or several giant meteors or asteroids impacted the earth's surface, and blocked the sun's rays which resulted in plants dying. As the herbivore dinosaurs had nothing to eat, their predators died out as well. Or perhaps the impacts were so great, giant tsunamis destroyed the ecosystem.
However, a self-described "courtesy professor of zoology at Oregon State University" has a different theory, which happens to be in his new book! I will not mention his name or his book, because I don't want to give him any endorsements.
This "professor" says there was another culprit, the true killer of the original kings of the earth:
That's right folks: a mosquito. Yes, it's official. It's a great retcon. Mosquitoes wiped out the dinosaurs. For hundreds of millions of years the dinosaurs ruled before these small pests spread disease. Great spin.
Ultimately, folks, it's just another guy selling a book. And his publisher knows the more whacked out the theory is, the more books it will sell.
It is amazing how something that has existed for hundreds or thousands of years can eventually become "trendy" due to a TV show, marketing gimmick, radio spot, celebrity, grainy Youtube video, or Internet post.
For example, did you know that some restaurants are serving very hot peppers now- such as Red Savina pepper and Naga Joloki? Everyone who has studied the hotness of peppers knows that this is serious, serious news.
Do you care that Naga Joloki pepper displaced Red Savina pepper as being "hotter" in February 2007, according to the Guinness Book of World Records?
And did you know news of this has spread as quickly as the infamous and Miley Cyrus licorice picture?
Apparently, you DO care, because it's coming up in search engines a lot! Too bad you will forget all of this within a week!
I truly think this buzz is caused by the same people at your office that believe all of the chain letter spams, spiritual and religious inspirational miracle e-mails, yet get drunk at Jake Melnick's Corner Tap on Friday nights.
I just tuned into CNN and watched grown adults jump into a lake and swim a few yards ... it was some kind of polar bear competition. They cut open a part of a frozen lake, and the "Brave" jumped in.
I watched men and women jump in. One guy was disoriented, and couldn't figure out which way to swim. A woman in a black one-piece swimsuit looked like she had overcome a personal fear while swimming. Another man swam manically, arms pumping furiously with a mind over matter attitude. Some guy with a hook pulled people out before they froze to death.
As a former conservative-turned-porn star, I feel I have a unique perspective on things like this. You see, our current generation is vain ... narcissistic ... and voyeuristic. I'm not condemning this ... after years of fighting it, I decided to embrace it! I said, "Screw it!" literally and figuratively.
I don't have a problem with narcissism and voyeurism. I think it's great ... it's the age we live in. Future generations will look back and be jealous of our freedom ... our lack of inhibitions ... our willingness to exhibit and experiment and live!
We live in an age where a wannabe pundit can have a voice on youtube ... where musicians can gain recognition simply by recording music on their home computer and posting it on the web ... where bloggers earn advertising revenue for writing stories about their cat.
I hear conservatives cry, like the bleating of sheep, at what has happened. I say they need to get a CL tryst going and get over it. Get a Myspace page and dream of Tila Tequila. Get a loan on Prosper. Network on Facebook. Read MSN and Drudge.
DAMIAN SAYS: Wow, that was a mind-trip. Thanks for the contribution. Although I don't agree with everything you said, I do think it's time the Old Guard (let it be Old Media, Conservatives, etc.) As long as Young Republicans and Democrats are around, the Old Guard will get phased out over time. It truly is a brave new era we live in today. All of this will seem normal to our children. By the way, for those who don't know, NPD = Narcissist Personality Disorder
Clemens was accused in the recently released Mitchell Report on steroid use in Major League Baseball of having been injected with steroids and human growth hormone 16 times from 1998-2001 by his trainer, Brian McNamee.
When asked by Wallace if McNamee had ever injected him with any drugs, Clemens responded, according to the release: "Lidocaine and B-12. It's for my joints, and B-12 I still take today."
Clemens then calls the accusation that he used steroids or HGH "ridiculous" and says he "never" used any banned substances.
"Swear?" asks Wallace.
"Swear," says Clemens.
For those of you who don't know, 60 Minutes is a taped show, and Roger Clemens was interviewed today, which will air on Sunday.
Please keep in mind- steroid use doesn't mean jack to me. The frustrating part is that Roger just won't admit he did it, and Roger has a history of being one of the biggest conceited and violent jerks in baseball.
Let's pretend for moment that you were a baseball player who took [vitamin] B-12 and Lidocaine [a pain-killer] injections (perfectly legal). Wouldn't you have TOLD Senator Mitchell and MLB's investigators when questioned originally? Wouldn't you have told the MEDIA this last month when your name came up as taking illegal substances such as HGH and steroids?
If you follow Roger's logic, and use the details from the Mitchell Report this is the logical extension of his lies: ~~Roger told his trainer that the substance he was shooting him with was steroids, not B-12 I guess so he wouldn't look like a pansy? Roger also knew the feds would be after him in the future.~~
Uh-huh.
Does that make any sense?? There is no need to be neutral or give Roger the benefit of a doubt. Those who have followed his career know his history:
He asked his manager to come out of a 1986 World Series game, which the Mets eventually won.
He was ejected in the 1st inning of a 1990 playoffs game for continuing to yell at an umpire, costing his team the win.
He is known as a HEAD-HUNTER in the game (a pitcher who aims for the head).
He twice attempted to murder Future Hall of Fame catcher Mike Piazza- once with a head beaning, and once with a bat.
He and his agents have always gotten the highest contracts and endorsements, and always played things on HIS terms, not the team's. His ego and cockiness are LEGENDARY. He scammed the Yanks out of millions last year, and then left a playoff game injured.
The guy is a businessman who like to keep his fake image intact all the time, like Vince McMahon, Hulk Hogan, and The Realtor.
The bottom line is Clemens and this trainer were TIGHT. Real TIGHT. Clemens got this guy a job with the Yanks, after he was traded from the Blue Jays. They remained TIGHT until last year. Roger's best buddy Andy Pettitte already confessed his sin with this trainer, yet Roger doesn't make any apologies- he never had or never will.
Roger's hand-held palm-pilot looks something like this:
-Get up at 4:30 AM and jog 15 miles - Do 100 sit-ups - Eat a hardy breakfast - Call my agent - Call my attorney - Have the kids do chores - Lie to my wife - Lie to the MEDIA - Lie to my fans - Check on new restaurant - Give a speech at a local school about staying off of drugs - Leave Andy Pettitte another message telling him he's a pansy for telling the truth - Do another 100 sit-ups - Check bank account to see if royalty checks from Cingular are still coming in - Meet that Brazilian stripper that keeps calling my cell - Hint to MEDIA that I'm coming out of retirement again - Pay a visit to my restaurant and give a pep talk to the lowly workers - Sign an autograph for a kid, as long as his dad takes a picture, and puts it on myspace.com - Do another 100 sit-ups - Hunt some animals in Texas with some old fishing buddies - Attend celebrity gold tournament - Perform another 100 sit-ups on the gold course
I had to break out the sweatshirts, hoods, gloves, winter blankets, wool hats, scarfs, and whatever else I can get.
I mean I read and see that the rest of the country has snow and ice, but you really can't appreciate it until it happens to you.
Boy it's tough to even walk to the car in the morning.
And getting out of the car to run into the office- even though it's only 50 feet away, it's still quite an adventure. I feel like one of those explorers that climbs Mount Everest.
I mean, Tuesday it was 80 degrees, and the next thing I know it dropped down to 50 degrees, and right now it's only 41 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida! It is freezing here!
So for the rest of the country- you have my sympathy!
Here's a shot of South Florida RIGHT NOW, showing the conditions we have to deal with:
Okay, my last post was about a backflipping midget, and now it's about UFOs. You may think I've gone crazy, but this video post was requested by another DailySkew poster named Five, and a promise is a promise.
Sigh...upon first inspection, those without an Art History background may actually believe that Christian painters put UFOs/Aliens in their works of art. So I just want to spread the word that this is NOT true.
Many of the symbols used in the old art represent the Sun, Moon, Angels, Glory of God, Heaven, the Globe, or Stars. That's it. That was the style back then.
But those of you who want to use your X-Files imagination and pretend that aliens somehow influenced mankind thousands of years ago and today, feel free...otherwise, in my professional opinion (my college background is in History and Psychology) Alien UFOs are NOT depicted in Ancient Art. Alien UFOs ARE depicted in movies, television shows, magazines, and comic books, though.
This post was submitted by DailySkew contributor CCB3. This is too funny to pass up. I can't verify if this was really on COPS or if it's a parody, but it's very funny.
Speaking of COPS, that television show has claims to be one of the first true, unscripted reality shows. When FOX first came out, many people liked In Living Color, The Simpsons, and Married...With Children, but there is no denying that COPS played no small part in FOX becoming a major television network, spawning numerous rip-offs and parodies.
My favorite part of this video occurs at the 1:25 mark....
CCB3 is a regular poster and contributor. He has made numerous videos that I have not gotten a chance to upload yet from his last visit. His first was his now infamous Taco Bell skit.
DailySkew: Are you thinking about your 2008 return to Coral Springs?
CCB3: when i return to south florida to visit,i have unfinished business.
Dailyskew: Like what?
CCB3: first,i need to redeem myself with a low,slow song on american idol.then you can tape me on my "cops" impression while driving around-preferably in the day in a bad neighborhood.you camera work will be key,as you tape me talking and driving,you can alternate to shots of people in the street.as i comment.we'll try to make it as realistic as possible.
Dailyskew: Sounds great!
CCB3: and lastly,the batting cages,i have improved my stance-i'm still horrible-but a little more improved.and i want to see you in the cage.
Dailyskew: Let it be written, let it be done! Thanks!
Also, remember this: NO ONE wants to destroy the galaxy. They think they're going to help. Did Hitler want war and death? No, but he felt it was neccessary [sic] to do what he felt was the best course of action. Everyone thinks what they're doing is right, it's just that they're off their rockers sometimes. Use that instead of they cut my funding and people like drugs aARRHAHDHGASDKFAJSAF DESTROY!
-- Jason the Busy Writer
TONY VAHL SAYS:
Upon further reflection, I decided there were some real-life names that could be added to your impressive list of villains, Damian.
Let's start with Mohammed Atta and the other 18 hijackers from 9/11. Their goal was to DESTROY and kill as many people as possible, including themselves, for the sake of their beliefs.
You might as well include every suicide bomber whoever died.
Let's talk about Hitler for a moment -- he thought war and the destruction of Jews was the best course of action after fixing the roads in Germany and hosting an Olympics. WHO CARES WHAT HIS MOTIVES WERE? His leadership speaks volumes. He was a destroyer, not just some guy who was "Off his rocker." Being off his rocker doesn't justify his behavior!
At this point, I have to question whether Jason is off his rocker.
Speaking of Jews, does anyone doubt that Ahmadinejad, the leader in Iran, is not a villain cut from the same cloth as Herod from the Epic script? He risks war with the U.S. and Israel with his actions. He openly calls for Israelis to be kicked out of their country by any means necessary. He apparently believes that starting Armageddon would hasten the return of the 12th Imam (whatever that means). Sounds like a destroyer to me.
I could go on ...
... the Mad Bomber ...
... the Uni-Bomber ...
... the smiley-face bomber, post 9/11 ...
... idiot suicide school shooters ...
... but I think I've made my point.
To paraphrase Michael Savage -- Jason, you're an extremist liberal, and liberalism is a mental disorder.
DAMIAN SAYS: Almost immediately upon the posting of my original article, I got an e-mail from "dragonfliet" (does Jason search for his stupid name every day? Or maybe he has google alerts?) Since e-mails are public record (thanks for the advice, Attorney-at-Law), here it is:
"Hey [censored],
I advice [sic] you to remove the postings from Golden Interlopers otherwise we WILL have your blog shut down.
I have over 10 years of experience reviewing CRAP like what your "friend" posted, and I can separate truly golden gems from the cesspool that your "friend" submitted.
Secondly, true villains don't call themselves villains. That's my point, something that none of you are getting. When Magneto formed the "Brotherhood of Evil Mutants", Stan Lee was simplying things for his target audience- KIDS.
Hitler stood behind racial pride and the achievement of the Aryan race. He did not say, "Let's spread evil across this world for the heck of it."
Finally, you have 7 days to remove your quoted text.
-Jason"
My response?
0) Matt Davis and Tony Vahl were the writers, and they are proud of their work, because as Tony said, "The goal of the Epic script was to capture the spirit of the original Star Wars trilogy, cheesy and wonderful as it was. Writing stuff that is original and thoughtful is gratifying [yet] unprofitable. The bottom line: random internet critics and reviewers are useless."
1) Quoting your text was in "fair use".
2) You have achieved nothing in real life. You're not even like that Internet critic that was featured on Entourage. You WISH you were, that's how pathetic you are. Why are you pathetic? You take joy in bashing aspiring writers' ideas. It's as simple as that. I have never, and will never, bash any submissions that Tony and I get for the DailySkew.
3) You never responded to the fictional villains I listed in the original post, which actually generated money for their publishers, even though they are one-dimensional and just believe in wanton destruction.
4) Tony's examples in this post show that there are real-life villains who destroy for the heck of it.
5) I think I was pretty clear that I DO realize villains justify their actions and come off as standing behind a "righteous" belief- like Osama and Hitler and David Koresh- but everyone knows it's just a gimmick: they truly like to recruit followers and destroy. I agree it's hard to market a recruitment drive by calling your group "The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants" (but Magneto sure did, and NO ONE complained about that until 30 years later), but you are saying no one really wants to destroy everything- which is false.
6) Anyway, it's a new year, let bygones be bygones, or at least stop e-mailing me, and go complain on your own blog. Peace be with you (leave me alone now). All joking aside, we're just going to have to agree to disagree.
The Borrower expounds on famous Transformers quotes:
'Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.'
Never give up. Borrow if I must. Freedom for all.
'Is it fear or courage that compels you?'
Fear. Courage. Same feeling. Motivates me fight crime. Motivates others to cower.
'One shall stand. One shall fall.'
United we stand to bring freedom. Divided we fail. Enemies will fail. Not Borrower.
'No sacrifice. No victory.'
Giving to Borrower equals sacrifice and victory.
Many of you want to know who The Borrower is, as he's been referenced by DailySkew occasionally. Although his identity is a mystery, I always think of the Repo Man:
DAILYSKEW: "Angel...it took you long enough, but you've finally seen The Transformers, one of the most successful movies of 2007 that exceeded everyone's expectations this year! How would you start off a review of this movie for our blog?"
ANGEL JIMENEZ: "In the movie Transformers, there's a scene where Glen the computer geek is asked to "Hotwire a computer" to transmit Morse Code through an antiquated radio from the 1930's. Of course, he figures it out in five minutes. "
DS: "Right..."
AJ: "What a bunch of crap."
DS: "Now, wait a-"
AJ: "First off -- there's no WAY he can hotwire a computer to do anything. He's portrayed as a software guy in the movie, not hardware.
AND, even if he does know hardware, how in the heck is he going to interface modern technology with something built over 70 years ago? Did he have the right cables? RCA to USB? Did they even have RCA back then?
So, right there, the movie falls apart for me."
DS: "Okay..."
AJ: "Second -- you mean to tell me there was some Air Force cadet who just HAPPENED to be listening for Morse Code at the same time? AND that cadet understands Morse Code? Yeah, right. Talk about UNREALISTIC.
And, what's with Morse Code being used in movies when all other technology fails? Didn't they do that in Independence Day? Give me a break. It's so cliché. You can't coordinate instantaneous military strikes with Morse Code."
DS: "Alright...that being said, did you enjoy the movie?"
AJ: "I'm sick of unrealistic scenes in movies. It totally ruined Transformers for me.
Continuity errors in the world of children's television
Respect Continuity!
A DailySkew Interview with Angel Jimenez
DailySkew had an instant message conversation with Dailskew contributor and poster Angel Jimenez.
DS: "Angel, can you do an editorial about continuity? That's a touchy subject among most of the geeks that read our site."
AJ: "I'm sick of continuity errors. I feel like Pariah sometimes - no matter where I turn, some anti-matter cloud is wiping out what I knew as a child, and I'm forced to live in a new reality where, I don't know, Haydn Christianson appears in Return of the Jedi, or Ewoks play love jazz at the end of that movie." DS: "Wow...did anything happen recently to cause this rant?"
AJ: "Let me just relate two continuity errors I picked up on this week, just to give you a sample of the hell that is my life."
DS: "Go right ahead."
AJ: "ONE- I'm watching Barney with my four year old, and he has a new voice! Barney sounded like someone doing a bad imitation of the original Barney voice!
I was outraged.
Of course, I pointed this out to my son. He didn't believe me.
"This is a new timeline, son," I told him." DS: "Wow!"
AJ: "TWO- I'm watching House of Mouse with my two year old. It was the DVD where the Disney Villains take over during the Halloween episode, led by Jafar.
As dizzying a concept it was to watch Ursula breaking bread with Hook, I let go my usual notions of continuity -- after all, this was a variety show. It was as if these were the actors who had played the roles in the movie, even though they were referred to as the real characters ... anyway, I let it go.
Then, it happened. I could no longer swallow what I was watching.
Sitting at one of the tables was the baby Simba and his girlfriend! WTF?!?
You mean to tell me that this episode of House of Mouse happens during the film Lion King? How is such a thing possible? How did this not affect the actions of Simba throughout the rest of the movie?
I mean, if Simba sees Mickey defeat all the villains, how could he have lost faith in his ability to defeat Scar?
Then again, maybe Simba was depressed because he didn't have the Sorcerer's hat.
DS: "Now..wait a minute, can't you give a No-Pri-"
AJ: "-I don't know, man. The Pariah in me couldn't take it. I shut it off, to spare my daughter the mind-altering effects of witnessing a continuity error. She cried, but it was for the best.
Tampa Bay Rays MVP shortstop Simon Delaghetto, Jr. admitted that he did in fact use steroids, as revealed by the Brenner Report- as a kid.
When Junior was 5 years old, doctors prescribed steroids to help heal a rare pulmonary and skin disease. Simon was hospitalized for over a week due to his deteriorating condition.
"Yes, I used steroids," he said in a teary-eyed confession at a press conference.
"This will damage his reputation, that's for sure," said FOXNet commentator Mike Lupica, Jr. "Even though he admitted it- so what? Giambi and Pettitte admitted it years ago, and look what happened to them. Are we expected to believe Simon used it ONCE for some RARE and FATAL disease? Please..."
William Montgomery, spokesman for the Hall of Fame said, "I don't speak for the voters, but based on their lack of elections these past two decades, I'd say Simon Delaghetto, Jr. will be on the outside looking in when he retires."
Delaghetto has become the second youngest player in the history of baseball to hit 500 homeruns. The first was steroid user Alex Rodriguez, who is not in the Hall of Fame.
A Useless and Meaningless Video that will not Enhance your Life
Just another typical weekend with the man known by many names who posts frequently here on DailySkew blogs.
In this great impromptu performance, he orders Taco Bell using a combination of different accents. The joke is that he sounds no worse than the Taco Bell worker.
As a side note, the order was botched up, of course.
For those of you who worry about life or take things too seriously- like work, mortgage payments, school, money, etc. come aboard the DailySkew express and take a ride and aimlessly wander.
1. Always imagine worst-case scenario. Won't be surprised when betrayed. 2. When helping someone, don't expect anything in return. More likely, person you helped will mock you behind your back. 3. Expect nothing. Won't be disappointed. 4. Stand up for yourself. 5. Surrounded by cowards. Don't join them. 6. Traitors everywhere. Trust no one. 7. Guaranteed to be misunderstood, misinterpreted, misread ... the only perception that matters is yours, but beware of the skewed ones who could affect your life.
The following interview was conducted via Yahoo! messenger.
