Belated Transformers Movie Review
Long time Transformers fan here, who was afraid to see the movie when it came out or on DVD because of Michael Bay and the costume changes….finally saw it last night. After all, if I gave G.I. Joe a chance, and Sherlock Holmes a chance, I might as well check in my brain and see a blockbuster action movie, right? Okay here goes:
The Good
- The voices of the Transformers were thankfully familiar, probably saved the movie for me.
- Special effects were outstanding.
- I liked earth’s history being changed because Megatron landed.
- Good mix of comedy and action.
- My wife liked it.
- Little inside jokes and homages sprinkled throughout the movie for fans in their 30’s (that would be me)
- That African-American hacker was funny, especially his house.
- Okay, here’s the thing- the rest of this Transformers 1 movie review is really, really negative. It doesn’t take away the fact that I had a nice 2 hours watching Transformers….BUT….(you’ve been warned).
The Bad
- My main issue for not seeing Transformers was because the fundamental vehicles and paint schemes were changed from the source material. I tried to keep an open mind about it. My first experience with a movie changing EVERYTHING from a toy-line, cartoon, and comic book was Masters of the Universe. Just because a movie makes money from the mainstream audience, and kids like it, doesn’t mean I should accept it automatically. (See WWE in 2010) I couldn’t tell the Decepticons from the Autobots at times. Repeat: the Transformers character designs were too detached from source. It was my one problem going into the movie, and one problem that was not resolved.
- Human actors were forgettable. Like Godzilla movies, the movie focused on the humans more than what the audiences really wanted to see. If it was too expensive to show the robots, then just cut 30 minutes of the human plots.
- Human characters were all cardboard. Don’t get me started on that girl, what’s her face, oh yeah, Megan Fox playing a high school chick.
- Let’s all continue to lower our standards, so all action movies are “good” just because they have action. Compare Transformers to Dark Knight, Watchmen, or Star Trek. ’nuff said.
- Plot-hole city- the whole backbone of the story is contained in a few casual sentences when the army is examining Megatron on ice. So all explanations for things that didn’t make sense, like “why did the spark only create Decepticons” are based on those few sentences. (The No-Prize is that the All-Spark was corrupted by the reverse engineering of Megatron.) But there is more strange logic- like the military and Autobots bringing the final battle in the middle of a city, where civilians get hit (just for the cinematic reasons).
- No real characterization of the Transformers. Although we see that Optimus Prime is compassionate and a noble hero, and we see Bumble-Bee caring for Sam…that’s about it. The Decepts were just killing machines…what happened to Starscream’s personality? Megatron? Arguably one of the top villains of pop-culture gets killed by Sam? Was that little robot Ravage, Rumble, Frenzy, or someone new? Does anything matter anymore (nihilism).
- Bumble-Bee switching cars in the tunnel and that little robot having the ability to transform into anything? Okay…
- Final battle between Megatron vs Optimus Prime? I’ll take Transformers: The Animated Movie any day.
- In-movie advertisements….HP, GM, Burger King…with all those sponsors, Michael Bay couldn’t have more robot scenes?
- Soundwave? Anyone? Hello? Soundwave?
- As you can see, I should have purged my memory of the original Transformers cartoons, toys, and comic books before seeing this movie. I’m being sarcastic. Why should I? So I can appreciate Michael F’N Bay? This is why people smoke weed- so all of those old Kung Fu movies and Steven Segal movies look great. Cloverfield – on a small budget- PWNS Transformers in terms of awe and suspense.
- This is a kiddie and teen movie. Sorry, guys.
Conclusion: A flawed movie, but enjoyable for what it is- a good POPCORN MOVIE, just like G.I. Joe and Sherlock Holmes. “I liked it” but my heart says something else. Don’t make it out to be something it’s not, folks. We’re in a sad state of affairs if Generation Z will consider this a classic. From now on, I will use the word craptastic to describe enjoyable action movies. I’m gonna see Transformers 2, just because I AM A SICK BASTICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111
Similar Posts:
- Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen Review
- Man can’t ride airplane wearing TRANSFORMERS T-Shirt (Megatron)
- Transformers Movie
- Transformers vs He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
- Review: Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973)
DailySkew RANDOM Posts:
- Dreams
- Retired Salesman
- RE: Man loses $6,500 – WHY?
- Review: Godzilla vs. Monster Zero (1965)
- Iran Election: What can we do about Iran?
Vahl:
I hate to say it, but Kurtzman and Orci, who wrote Transformers and Star Trek, are susceptible to plot holes.
I mean, I really love that Star Trek movie … BUT repeated viewings have revealed plot holes that I have had to push out of my mind.
G. pointed out one that I had deliberately ignored that pretty much derails the movie if you think about it too much.
I won't mention any of these plot holes here … I suspect the Star Trek purists have torn the movie to pieces.
I love the new Star Trek, and I'll defend it to my dying breath. Something like that.
***
On a related note, I think the right director can navigate plot holes and make us forget about them. Abrams is such a director.
Michael Bay, on the other hand … hahaha. I HATE Michael Bay.
Thankfully, Transformers had all the good points that you mentioned to carry me through.
***
Shia Lebouf — he's up there with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, in terms of celebs who would not have made it big in the 1980's or earlier. How he went from that (the humans in a Godzilla movie is a great analogy) to co-starring with Harrison Ford is beyond me.
Bernie Mac's cameo was great. May he rest in peace.
***
I assumed that little robot was Rumble, but, yes, it was ridiculous that you can't tell who he is, or why all the robots created by the All-Spark are Decepticons, or why Megatron doesn't look like Megatron (any iteration of Megatron).
***
Love it or hate it, some of the guys you mentioned in this post will appear in the 2nd movie — one in particular with the same voice over actor, without the effects. That should be 2 seconds of pleasantness, at least.
SLIGHT SPOILER, IF YOU DARE:
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
I can't wait till you get introduced to the Fallen. You may throw the DVD into a canal for the Gator King to feed on after you get the full download on this villain, and how Megatron treats him.
I saw Star Trek 4 times now. I think during our Star Trek blog wars from last year, we've covered all the plot holes there are…which is the one G mentioned?
Vahl:
If you really want to know, read below (disclaimer: I love Star Trek and will defend it forever and ever … however the mind can wander sometimes, particularly when you're moving heavy boxes and furniture around, mixed in with driving 100's of miles):
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
G: "How stupid is Nero? When he realizes he went back in time, wouldn't it make sense to work towards saving Romulus in the future? Instead, he wants to destroy everybody and guarantee Romulus gets destroyed in the future!"
That speaks for itself.
I've thought about this in the past few minutes, while moving some of my mom's stuff into her new place. Here are some random impressions:
- He reminds me of the main villain from the Epic script M.D. and I wrote back in the day, whose response to negative events was to wipe out every star in the universe. Granted, I love megalomaniac villains like that in movies…
- … like Khan in Star Trek II. He had it all — a ship, Genesis, and yet he just had to get revenge on Kirk.
Thankfully, his First Officer/son(?) raised this argument during the movie, and Khan gave his classic "He tasks me!" retort.
No one questioned Nero on this point during the movie. Maybe it happened off-screen, in a comic book prequel somewhere?
Not only that — Khan's motivation was clear. What was Nero's motivation to destroy Earth, after he destroyed Vulcan? To get back at the Federation? To get back at the young Spock? To make way for Romulus to take over the remaining universe (I'm sure the Klingons wouldn't have a problem with this, NOT!)?
- Bottom line: he's given a gift by being sent back in time. His first priority should be to save Romulus, since he's been given a second chance. I guess the no-prize is he's a stock villain with no ability to think outside the box for 25 years? Likewise his crew? Strrrreeeeeettttccch.
There are other plot holes that hit me (some glaring, some very minor that are easy to no-prize) while watching today, which I beg that Odin above would give me the strength to ignore while I wait for the sequel:
- So the U.S.S. Kelvim gets destroyed and … what. The Federation doesn't investigate that part of space? Captain Archer is the only one curious enough to do a dissertation on the subject? Is this part of space the equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle? Was there an explanation? Hurm.
- Old Spock didn't get to the supernova on time to save Romulus? He was surprised by that? What — he miscalculated the timing of the supernova? No wonder Nero is positively outraged!
Maybe that's his motivation — destroy the slow-moving Federation bureaucracy that can't save a planet even though they know about a supernova!
- How on earth did the Enterprise hit all those missiles heading towards Spock's ship at the end? I mean, it's a really cool scene, with the Enterprise warping in there out of nowhere, phasers blazing … I loved it. It's just … their technology is not as good as that crazy Romulan ship from the future.
- Chekov saves Kirk and Sulu falling out of the sky in one scene, and then can't save Spock's mom in the next?
If I were Spock, I'd [CENSORED DAILYSKEW] Chekov in the next movie.
I know, Chekov had more time to react to Kirk and Sulu than he did with Spock's mom. I know, I know … it's just a sad, frustrating, and seemingly preventable way for Spock's mom to die, you know? Lame irony.
Why(tm) couldn't a rock have fallen on her head? Why(tm) couldn't she have died on board the Enterprise of a heart attack, related to the destruction of Vulcan? Why(tm) couldn't Spock have had an Anakin moment, being by his mom's bedside as she died?
- Why ™ would Spock kick Kirk off the ship and toss him on an ice planet? I know, I know. He's emotionally compromised. I guess everyone else, including his girlfriend, was okay with that. There's zero sympathy for Kirk on that ship.
So, when Kirk took over the ship later on … everyone just fell in line. No problem with Kirk getting kicked off the ship, and no problem with him suddenly becoming Captain.
Whew. I need a neck brace for that whiplash of a thought.
I really wish these evil thoughts would go away. I love Star Trek, I love Star Trek, I love Star Trek….
- Kirk and Old Spock end up on the same ice planet … to quote J. Jonah Jameson from Spiderman II, "A man named Otto Octavius ends up with eight limbs. What are the odds?"
- If Old Spock can see Vulcan implode from that ice world he's on, doesn't that mean he's in mortal danger himself, along with the entire planet he's on? I know, they had to show that for all the Simple Jack audience members out there….
- It's obvious Young Spock is emotionally compromised, BUT isn't Kirk emotionally compromised, too? Earth, his home planet, is about to be destroyed. Heck, Kirk was kicked off the ship because he was fighting security guards — dude was waaayyy emotionally compromised.
I wish Young Spock at the end (or maybe in the next movie?) would say, "I wasn't the only one emotionally compromised, Jim."
[Editor's note: At this time, Spock used his Vulcan nerve pinch on Tony Vahl to stop the noise.]
Plot holes? Did someone say "plot holes"?
In Romans 1:3 & Acts 2:30, it is said that The Messiah must be a physical descendant of King David.
Matthew 1 and Luke 3 try to "prove" this. Yet, how could Jesus meet this requirement since in these genealogies they boast how descended from David through *Joseph*, who was not his natural father because of the Virgin Birth.
That's worse than Kurtzman and Orci and their alternate timeline that is really a parallel universe that could not have existed anyway.
Oh, and then there's these great quotes from Jesus:
I and my father are one.
– John 10:30
I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
– John 14:28