Anger: The bag of nails
Ben, 7, had a bad temper and his family would get frustrated with his tantrums. Ben was an obedient child, but was prone to outbursts of anger. So one day his grandfather gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence in their backyard.
Day One: Ben had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Eventually, the number of nails he hammered each day decreased.
Yes, it’s true; Ben actually realized that it was easier to hold his temper than to hammer all of those nails into the fence.
After seven months, the day finally came when Ben didn’t lose his temper at all. So he proudly told his grandfather about it, and he nodded his head and suggested that from now on Ben should pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
Months later, Ben ran to his grandfather, and exclaimed that all of the nails were gone! So the grandfather took Ben by the hand and led him to the fence in the back of their house.
“You have done well, Ben; I am proud of you; but look at the holes in the fence. This fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won’t matter how many times you say ‘I’m sorry’, the wound is still there.”
Ben’s face got red, and the power of the old man’s words hit him like a tone of bricks.
Ben would remember that day, and thanks to his lesson, he passed that story to his own son.
***
Let’s discuss some themes in this story, which I rewrote/remixed from an old Buddhist parable.
Why is anger wrong?
Anger leads to being SKEWED. It results in bigotry, hatred, violence, hurtful language, and even murder (do happy people murder others?). If we get into a pattern of getting frustrated easily and are angry at people or things we can’t control, we lash out at “THEM”, and feel miserable. Being angry is not a nice feeling. It’s like saying you enjoy cutting your fingers off.
When we are angry we exaggerate, paint ourselves as victims, and can justify any action, including hateful language and physical violence. We stay miserable. Our attitude of ourselves, other people, and society become skewed. Life is no longer a fun place. We become attached to the feeling of being an outcast or being right or expecting people to act in according to your wishes. Anger is a strong root of suffering in this world.
**
If there is an injustice, can there be “righteous anger”? Well, can there be “righteous cancer”? It’s a disease, it really is. Can there be “justifiable anger”? I personally think as long as you invite the feeling over for a cup of tea, listen to what it is saying, and when wish it well on the way out, you should be set. In other words, be aware of anger’s presence, the reasons why you feel angry, but just let it go, dude. And don’t get tricked in thinking it left, either, because it can plant seeds of negativity in your mind.
We lack the perception to see the world as it really is. If we existed in the sky and looked down upon the Earth since the dawn of time, we would see how insignificant “injustice” is. If we could see how we continue to be reborn into other life forms, we would see how our sense of self- the ego- is NOT a permanent thing; we wouldn’t be attached to it. We would not be afraid of death. We would be free.
Instead we let people, opinions, and injustices get to us…they change our mentality and ruin our days. Most of the time it’s subconscious. Some people I know tell me that they never get angry! Sounds like denial, a lack of awareness, or shame, if you ask me. The same people that tell me they don’t get angry are the ones shouting at their daughter over the phone for getting a flat tire again.
Hurtful language is not forgotten. Violence forgotten. You can try to make reparations, try to do the right thing, but it still happened. You have to move on, and try not not let it happen again. Abstaining from things that lead to anger helps.
If this all sounds like common sense to you, let’s avoid getting angry. Practice patience. Practice Acceptance ™.
The first step is to meditate.
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