The DailySkew Remembers Harvey Korman

I loved watching the Carol Burnett show. Harvey Korman was a big reason why. He played a great straight man to Tim Conway's goofball antics, and I loved it when he couldn't help but crack up laughing on stage! Here are some fine examples of Harvey Korman, who passed away on Thursday, on his own and with Conway:















My favorite bit with Korman and Conway was when they were at the dry cleaners, and Conway was on a clothes hanger.

R.I.P., Mr. Korman.

Wheezer "Pork and Beans" Video

Just in case you missed it , here's a cool music video that pays homage to Youtube:



Is YouTube the modern equivalent of the old circus sideshow freaks? I know political correctness seemed to banish them to the dustbin of history years ago, but it appears they're back with a vengeance! And this time, they've got the latest technology on their side!

Praise for The Namesake

Gabrielle had mentioned for weeks that she wanted to rent a certain movie called The Namesake. I had never heard of it -- which is rare for me. I usually run across a preview or Rotten Tomatoes review at least. I had no idea what the movie was about, what genre it was ... nothing.

Well, she finally rented it ... I saw glimpses of the movie while it played in the living room. Her father was watching it. The rest of us were running errands. What little I saw made me curious. It appeared to be an immigrant's tale, a man journeying from Calcutta to New York with his bride.

When I finally watched it, I was amazed.

Damian and I were talking about my favorite movies the other day, and he joked about how the last good movie I've seen is the one that impresses me the most. Well, this movie will make that list of movies that made an impression -- the kind of Terra Obscura movie I've already told people about. A movie that wasn't a summer blockbuster but one that should be required viewing.

I won't do any spoilers here. All I'll say is that any person who immigrated to this country, or is a 1st generation American, will relate to the story. Anyone who has lived in New York in the last thirty years will relate. Anyone who has dated American and foreign-born women will relate. Anyone who has ever lost a loved one unexpectedly will relate. Anyone who has traveled or wished to see the world will relate.

Fantastic movie. Fantastic story. I highly recommend it.

Cheating is Wrong

The following is an excerpt from the DailySkew ebook, [Insert Woody Woodpecker Laugh Here]:

Cheating is Wrong

Damian Hospital 11/27/2005

By and large, society and peer pressure both promote that cheating on your significant other is something we are all entitled to, and should try out. That behavior is encouraged and reinforced by certain musicians, movie and television celebrities, and athletes. Most of your classmates or co-workers would support your extracurricular rendezvous as well, more so if you provide them with the details.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, I am forced to actually define what being unfaithful is before I continue. If a couple promises to be in a committed relationship, that means no other erotic stimulation-physical or mental- is permitted. (The only addendum to this statement is if BOTH members of the couple agree that such activity is permissible, like “swingers” or “sharing”- expressed approval to be with someone else.) [I do not have such an “open relationship”, so for the purposes of this article, I will ignore that addendum.]

ANYTHING ELSE IS DECEPTION and violates the commitment. It is disloyal, unethical, immoral, immature, wrong, incorrect, and evil.

My own rule of thumb is this: If my lover was not physically with me, I would still pretend she was with me at all times. Would I kiss a co-worker on the mouth and caress her hair if my lover was standing there? No- so I wouldn’t do it. Would I call a friend at 2:00AM and profess my love for her? No. Would I go to a strip club and get a lap dance? No. Would I meet an escort at a motel? No. Would I flirt with strangers and give them hope that they have a chance with me by making forward remarks? No. Would I engage in romantic e-mails or instant messages? No. Would I go out with “old flames”? No.

For many of our readers, I may sound old-fashioned, condescending, conservative, holier-than-thou, judgmental, and maybe even hypocritical. Too bad- you know it’s wrong. Don’t you care about your so-called loved one’s feelings? Would you like it if she or he slept with me or my friends behind your back? If you don’t care, then you lack the emotionally maturity to be in a relationship in the first place.

If you don’t care about the consequences of your philandering actions, then you deserve all of the suffering that will ensue due to your deceptions, including having your partner leaving you for good. Obviously, based on your actions, you don’t believe in Hell or karma. You figure as long as you don’t get caught red-handed, it “never happened”.

(Well, I got news for you: are you so gullible to believe that the people you’re cheating with will keep their mouths shut for eternity-that they won’t tell anyone? Ha, ha, ha!)

Look, I understand how tempting it is. There are so many attractive people out there. In the U.S., existence is transitory; people are always moving around- only staying at jobs, schools, and cities for short periods of time, and always meeting new people. You could go on a business trip in another state or country with so much ease.

And even if you are the passive type, there are certainly aggressive people who will try to tempt you. To me, there is no greater pleasure than physical intimacy. Conversely, the feeling of betrayal may be too much to handle. That’s why you have to keep it within your relationship. You would be HURTING your partner beyond words. All of the trust you had built up would be gone forever.

Now, time for an advanced moral dilemma: what happens if your partner refuses to engage in sexual activities with you anymore? Obviously, he/she is gauging to see how loyal you are. But how long should you permit that to continue?

The reason your partner is doing this is critical. If, for example, he/she caught you talking to a naughty person via several e-mails, you should be in the dog house for a while, obviously. If you and your partner have been getting on each others nerves and have been arguing, maybe it’s time to take a break for a while. But when the time is right, and you try to become intimate in bed, he/she should be receptive as per your commitment.

Everyone should understand fully, however, that if one member of the couple shuts the other out, and does not engage in physical contact, the odds increase that “something” may happen. Sex is a physical and emotional need, and part of a healthy relationship. Denial of sex is a violation of the sacred contract.

I know a woman who had some problems with her boyfriend; you know- arguing about his personality quirks, nothing about infidelity. Well, she went to a therapist who told her not to have sex with him until he starts to change his ways. How unprofessional is that? That just opens up a can of worms and creates more problems. I know women have a reputation for playing that game, and it is very immature. For any women who are reading this, and play the pu$$y control game, don’t be surprised if your man calls Danny over at Platinum Pleasures Escort Services and is late from “work” the next evening. And for any man who is stupid enough not to please your woman when she asks for it, you’re just asking for trouble.

In conclusion, although I have personally witnessed people cheating on their significant others (usually the people were drinking alcohol), I do know many people that ARE 100% loyal. It IS possible if you have the desire to be an honest and loving partner.

And now ... Snap Photography!

My buddy Waltex has started a hot new business: Snap Photography.

If you're interested in modeling and need some shots for your portfolio, Snap Photography will hook you up.

As you can see, Waltex is a creative genius. As someone who shot photo novellas in the past, I can recognize a talent. Waltex will give you high quality shots and prints to help you land that next gig -- all at reasonable rates.

Drop him a line at his myspace, if you want to learn more.

Candidates for top 100 movies list

Damian and I had a discussion about movies today, and it inspired this post. At some point, we plan on coming up with a definitive top 10 or top 100 movie list that is scientifically based and QUANTIFIABLE (i.e., Citizen Kane won't be number 1 b/c people in the industry were impacted while the general public forgot about it). Anyway, here are some movies/trilogies that I think will make the cut of our top 100:

Four great Spielberg movies

• Jaws -- it set he standard for music. The image of the great white shark from that movie is Iconic. It was a huge hit.
• Close Encounters of the Third Kind -- More Iconic movie scenes -- Spielberg at his best. Huge hit.
• E.T. -- Ditto.
• Jurassic Park -- Set a new standard for realistic special effects that stands to this day. Huge hit.

The Matrix Trilogy-- A movie that came out in March spawned a Summer and Winter blockbuster. The first movie was probably not a huge box office hit, overall, but it's impact is quantifiable. Oft-imitated in other movies, television, and commercials. Anecdotally, the movie inspired great conversations at work about the nature of reality -- great philisophical primer for the masses.

The Sixth Sense -- M. Night Shymalan's greatest work. Thank God for this movie, or else we would not have had great follow-ups that I loved like Unbreakable and The Village.

Original Star Wars Trilogy -- No apologies. The masses have spoken.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy -- This movie opened the door to other fantasy books, like Narnia, to be made into movies, as well as being the first trilogy (that I'm aware of) to have the sequels greenlighted before the first movie was released to the public.

Wizard of Oz -- #1 with a bullet.

The Godfather 1 and 2 -- when the aliens arrive and they want an example of movie-making, I'll say, "You want a movie? Here's two!"

Ghost -- arguably the best romantic movie ever.

West Side Story -- Iconic.

***

I'm pretty sure Damian and I will have more sci-fi/action movies on our list. Here are some random Summer/Winter Blockbusters from the past 30 years that may make the list (the masses have spoken):

• T2
• Spiderman movies
• Superman I and II
• Batman
• X-Men
• Transformers
• Alien and Aliens
• Harry Potter movies
• Titanic
• You've Got Mail
• Shrek
• Finding Nemo
• New Star Wars Trilogy

[Real] Quotes Heard from Comic Book Shops Around the US

The following is an excerpt from the forthcoming DailySkew ebook, [Insert Woody Woodpecker Laugh Here]:

[Real] Quotes Heard from Comic Book Shops Around the US

"That'll be $208.19"

"Why don't you bring Faith with you anymore?"

"Doom Patrol? What's that?"

"Whoa! A chick!"

"Byrne killed Wonder Woman."

"Dude...it'll look a lot better when the scab comes off."

"A customer got stuck in the door."

"I don't mind one dollar bills. I can think of lots of things you can do with one dollar bills."

"Its on the back wall.... No, the other one."

"I'm going to wait for the trade. You know there's one coming."

"It's the House of No Ideas."

"I don't think Giffen's going to be happy about Countdown."

"I thought about opening up a store near me, since they all closed."

"That's probably not a good idea right now."

"DC has sold out of it."

"This is so gay!"

"Thor wouldn't do that in real life...he doesn't think that way".

"I'd do Wonder Woman..."

"I met this cool chick on AIM that likes comics."

"Of course a lightsaber can deflect the beam of a phaser!"

"Rob Liefeld sucks!"

"So, how much does the value drop on a comic without its cover?"

"Can you tell me if this comic is worth anything?"

"When's 'Green Lantern: Rebirth' gonna come out? DC has it as being out on their site!"

Marriage should be Abolished

Yesterday, I was shocked to hear a fill-in host for the golf bag say that the state of California did not recognize the right of marriage, and that it was merely a privilege. That reminded me of this classic satirical opinion piece (Year One, page 376):

by D. t. X

The era of marriage is over. We have advanced enough as a society that we no longer need this institution legalized.

Why is it that you can put your spouse on your health insurance, but not your best friend, or your mother or father? This is a ridiculous, illogical proposition in our day and age.

Why should you pay more taxes because you're married? Sure, you could file as a single person, but it's still ridiculous.

The system should be opened for all types of couples, and other types of living arrangements. If two people, regardless of sex, wish to be together -- fine. If three friends wish to help each other out, and share health coverage, they should do it.

Let the free market decide what advantages should be given to couples and groups, and eliminate the discriminatory practice of legalized marriage forever.

Gays are discriminated against by the current system. Individuals who wish to be single are discriminated against. This is unjust, and should be rethought to reflect the current state of our society.

There are other reasons to abolish the institution of marriage. The emotional benefits of marriage are unrealistic. Believe me -- I know. I've been through hell and back five times over, trying to make relationships work, and I know that women are only interested in one thing -- financial security.

They're not interested in a mutually beneficial team-up. They're not interested in a relationship. As Dr. Eric Jericho talked about in these editorial pages, they want sex and drugs. And you need money to provide both adequately.

I don't believe we should continue raising our children with the notion that marriage is the ideal culmination of adulthood. We are misleading our kids, and creating expectations that will lead to great suffering in their futures.

Again, believe me -- I know.

Back in the day, before the industrial revolution, marriage was truly an ideal institution. Marriages were arranged by families because the idea of teaming up to keep society going was necessary for continual survival. Children did their chores, fathers worked all day, and mothers kept the home fires burning.

That was a different era. Teaming up is still useful in today's society, but no longer necessary for survival.

These days, most American women in their 20's and 30's don't care about raising a family in an ideal, two-parent household. The women I've dated are convinced that they don't deserve nice guys ... and at the same time, they don't want their child to have a nice guy as a father.

So, women from Generation X, Y, and Z punish themselves and their offspring -- all for the sake of individual pride and freedom.

And the reason these women act this way is because they don't need to team-up with a spouse in order to survive -- our society is geared to support the individual. There's nothing wrong with this, and I think it's time for our legal institutions to reflect this shift in our society.

The need to be married in order to sustain life and survive no longer exists.

I've been married ... and you know what? The effort was a gigantic waste of time.

There is no Santa Claus. There is no Easter Bunny. And there is no ideal marriage.

Marriages work when both people are committed to each other. Marriage requires two people to swallow their egos, and work as a team. Each person plays their role for the mutual benefit of the relationship, and the family.

Unfortunately, in today's world, there aren't many women who feel like being team players. They don't wish to lead ... they don't wish to follow ... they don't wish to negotiate. They just wish to be left alone.

So, I say let's leave them alone, and end this legalized pressure to marry and procreate. Those of you out there who are married needn't worry -- you'll pay less taxes, and I'm sure the health insurance companies will cover your spouse. You'll still be treated like a married couple, even though there isn't a piece of paper from your local government proving your married. You can still have your wedding ceremonies -- just don't expect a seal of approval from Uncle Sam. Write your congressman and senators, and ask that marriage be abolished immediately. You'll be glad you did.

Why (tm) aren't we drilling in ANWR?

Last week, I saw that the U.S. Senate passed a bill to stop purchasing oil for the national reserve. It got me thinking -- reducing demand is one thing, but what about increasing the supply of oil?

Why (tm) aren't we drilling for oil in ANWR and off the coasts of America?

As we learn from Ockham's Trilogy (Fame/Fraud Matrix, Page 134), the question "Who benefits?" must be asked first.

Who benefits from the United States of America not drilling in ANWR or off the coast of Florida?

How about OPEC? Yes.

Venezuela? Yes.

Russia? Absolutely.

The Sierra Club? Yes.

Corn Growers, and other farmers growing crops for ethanol conversion? Yes.

The typical shlub sitting in the cubicle next to you, who turns away from the pump as he fills his car with his gas because he doesn't want to see the price he's paying? No.

On Indiana Jones and The Incredible Hulk

The following is a transcript of a phone interview between Tony Vahl and an M.O.T. News correspondent:

M.O.T. News: Mr. Vahl, it's an honor. As a fan of Indiana Jones, what is your take on the new movie?

Vahl: I Heard George Lucas come out with a quote the other day and basically start apologizing for the new Indiana Jones movie, saying that he's had this problem before with sequels, the Star Wars sequels, where the movie can't live up to the childhood memories of people ... and that the childhood memories are not the same as the actual movie ... and it's impossible to meet those expectations.

Well, I got to see quite a bit of all three movies on the Sci-Fi Channel this weekend, and you know what? Those movies hold up. They hold up.

M.O.T. News: Why (tm) do you think they hold up?

Vahl: One reason is because of Spielberg and his directing. Another reason is because of Harrison Ford. And the story itself is unbelievable.

M.O.T. News: Okay, but can they do it again?

Vahl: As far as I'm concerned, Spielberg can still direct. I've seen his more recent movies, and I still think he has it. I'm sure Harrison will be fine.

Unfortunately, we live in an era where people are so "Smart." You know, basically, being jaded is a substitute for intelligence in our day. If you're jaded and sarcastic that means you're "Smart."

The movie could be a hit, a huge hit! But if it gets ripped by blogs and critics, then the perception creates the reality. A smash weekend at the box office becomes a failure, simply because a thousand sock-puppets say so.

M.O.T. News: Something similar happened to another movie: The Hulk

Vahl: Let's talk about that. There's a movie that, when it came out a few years ago ... I don't know, I thought it did pretty well in the box office. Maybe I'm wrong. I thought it did okay.

M.O.T. News: $62 million opening weekend in the U.S. alone.

Vahl: That's more than Prince Caspian! And no one is claiming that movie was a bust! Anyway, the Hulk was universally panned -- at least, that's the perception that's been created. Now, in my small circle of friends, we seem to like the movie a lot. We seem to appreciate Ang Lee's approach. We loved Eric Bana and Jennifer Connelly ... the fact that they got into Bruce Banner's childhood and the whole psychological aspect of the Hulk. What can I tell you? Well, a lot of sock puppets didn't like it -- it wasn't like the TV show, or it wasn't what they expected. So now there's a new Hulk movie.

M.O.T. News: Did you get a chance to see the new trailer?

Yeah, when I went to see Iron Man. On the trailer the Hulk looks meaner, angrier ... definitely a more savage Hulk. I hope sock puppets everywhere will like and appreciate that.

M.O.T. News: What do you think of the new Bruce Banner?

Vahl: Ed Norton? It's funny -- Damian told me he couldn't imagine him as Bruce Banner, and my wife had the same reaction. Now, after seeing the preview, Damian changed his mind, and my wife did not. She still had a hard time accepting that and, yeah, I can see where she's coming from. He doesn't strike me as Bruce Banner at first.

HOWEVER, it's Ed Norton, you know? He's a great actor. He can pull it off. You know, watching that preview, I got that sense of Bill Bixby-style desperation. I think Ed Norton was really tapping into that Bill Bixby loner desperation/on-the-run kind of thing. That was prevalent in the TV show, and that's what made that show great. It makes the Hulk great.

I also got the sense that there was a little bit of that desperation that we saw in the Fight Club movie, like when he was on a plane waking up in a different city, confused, disoriented, doesn't know what time it is, running around, looking around, trying to catch Tyler Durden, always travelling ... that look in of confusion and desperation in his eye ... I got that feeling. I think he's perfect for that kind of thing. And you know what? When they showed him with the green eyes and the wicked smile, ala Bill Bixby, I was sold. So, I'm looking forward it. And, personally, I love it that the Abomination is in the movie. I'm not sure everyone's going to love it -- my wife said the preview pretty much gave the whole story away. So, I'm not sure if everyone's going to be sold on this preview or not. I hope they are.

And, you know what? That other movie came out only five years ago. I'm not sure people or sock puppets are going to forget that so quickly. I guess this will be a good test of the collective memory of the public. It's a weird situation for the producers of the movie. What can you do?

And they even played a snippet of the music from the TV show -- so they're letting the audience know where they're coming from. Hey, I guess the Hulk looked a little bit more like Lou Ferigno and less like a jolly green monster. Maybe this reboot is a good idea, after all.

M.O.T. News: So, you liked the 2003 Hulk, and you approve of the reboot. What did you think of Iron Man?

Vahl: Iron Man was great. We wished we had the DVD, so we could watch it again.

M.O.T. News: I'm sure your friend Mr. B could hook you up.

Vahl: Ha ha ha. That's true. That's true.

M.O.T. News: Thank you for your time, Mr. Vahl.

Vahl: Your welcome.

Random Thoughts on 2008 Election

As we round the corner into the General Election showdown between McCain and Obama, I thought I'd share my general impressions ... this is partially inspired by a surreal conversation I had with a personality type seven Law Enforcement Officer a few weeks ago:

• Once again, the Democrat electorate pass over an obvious choice like Richardson (Southern two-term Governor with successful track record) for underdogs and flash.
• Clinton came out of nowhere in 1992 to win the nomination, and eventually the Presidency, for the democrats. In 2008, Obama came out of nowhere to defeat the now-establishment Clintons. Democrats love new faces.
• Hillary would have won the 2004 nomination and election. Bush would have been a one-term president, like his father before him. Hillary's lack of courage and political calculation to wait for '08 was a HUGE blunder.
• Mitt Romney is not a conservative. Any Governor who signs a universal health care bill is not a conservative, no matter how many times the Golfer tells me he is.
• With the Democrats shooting themselves in the foot, a moderate Governor like Romney with business smarts was a perfect choice for the Republicans. Who do they choose? John McCain -- a wannabe independent.
• Open primary elections should be disallowed. Democrats apparently crossed over to vote for McCain in the early states, and Repubs crossed over to vote for Hillary in later states. All primaries should be closed, so that each party can choose their best candidate and avoid silly tomfoolery.
• "Operation Chaos" is Fairness Doctrine fodder and career suicide bombing by the Golfer, taking down Republican talk radio with him.
• George Bush is a bizarro liberal who gives conservatives a bad name.
• McCain's liberal policies will be painted as conservative by the MEDIA, if he wins.
• Conservatives must sit out the election and allow Obama to win.
  
• Obama might be more moderate than liberal as president. He may surprise some people.
• Democrat Superdelegates are more afraid of riots caused by African-Americans than riots by older women. I guess they forgot about the feminist movement.
• Blacks vote for Obama 90% to 10% for Hillary. Whites vote for Hillary 60% to 40% to Obama. So, are we to conclude that Black Democrats more racist than White Democrats?
  
• The menopausal white female Democrats will eventually forget about Hillary and vote for Obama in November.
• Clinton will NEVER get die-hard Obama voters in the general election.
• Obama will NEVER get "Bitter" people to vote for him.
• McCain will NEVER get certain conservatives to vote for him.
  

Speed Racer Crashed, Thank God

Here are my reasons why I smiled when I heard the news that Speed Racer bombed:

1. I won't have to see those INSANE acid-trip-inducing colors and video-game cheese graphics flashed on my television screen ad infinitum on commercials, promos, awards shows, etc. Once it's out on DVD, the next time I expect to see this movie is in a Wal-Mart $5.00 bin.
2. Let me just stress the fact that I AM SO THRILLED that I won't have to hear about how great SPEED RACER the MOVIE was for the rest of the decade.
3. I am not a Speed Racer fan. Believe me, I tried -- I remember I bought issue one of some manga Speed Racer back in the 80's, to try to get into the myth ... and I'm sorry, but Robotech it was not. Unlike anime I enjoy, this story was thin. There didn't seem to be any substance to it.
4. Racer-X is Speed Racer's long-dead brother -- wow. What a mystery. I'm sure Sherlock Holmes could have solved that in ... what? A split-second? In his sleep? Would he have turned to his cocaine and asked Dr. Watson to solve it, so boring was the mystery?
5. Sorry, but cool-looking vehicles just don't cut it. If I want to watch cool cars and crazy stunts, I'll watch Tokyo Drift.
   
6. Who thought that throwing computer graphics on the bring screen would sell to audiences? Does that even make any sense? IF you want to make a CG cartoon ... don't be shy. Just make one! That would have sold better -- at least then you'd be catering to the Dreamworks/Sony Pictures crowd.
   

Phil Hendrie and Barack's "Bitter" Comment

More brilliant commentary from Phil Hendrie:






Can you smell what Barack is cooking?


















Crisis of Infinite Hillary Clintons.











Can The Rock beat Captain America?




McCain, Pre-Super Soldier formula, travels forward in time to 2008 and outlines his plan to solve the health care crisis.

Foreclosure Crisis update -- Barney Frank on CNBC

Congressman Barney Frank appeared today on the Kudlow & Co. Show on CNBC, after passage of his FHA Reform Bill. Unfortunately, I can't embed the video, so here's the link:

http://www.cnbc.com/id/15840232?video=734989076


Basically, the House of Representatives passed an FHA reform plan that involved the banks refinancing loans at 85% of the appraised value at the time the home was purchased, and then he Federal Housing Administration buying those loans. The White House has gone on record that they will veto the bill.

So, my Earth-Never article continues to be true....

Oh, and here's a follow-up video:

http://www.cnbc.com/id/15840232?video=735019653

Obama Speech

Here's something for all you Phil Hendrie fans, me included:



I love it that he's posting on Youtube. If you, like me, can't catch his show here on the East Coast, this is great stuff.