Damian Hospital Quits Enneagram Council of Twos

Ministry of Truth
BREAKING NEWS

Damian Hospital, who previously turned in his honorary membership to the Enneagram Council of Sixes, has officially resigned from caring about the Enneagram Council of Twos.

"Just blowing off steam now in this rant, but I'm done with Twos. I ran out of patience, and believe me, I have been dealing with Type Twos for over 30 glorious years," Hospital said via telescreen.

"How much do I loathe thee? Allow me to list the ways: Twos are possessive, forgetful, overbearing, predictable, spurned, demand justice for helping, and refuse to be held accountable like everyone else."

"Nothing happened to spark this rant of mine. It just built up."

"Type 3's may be evil manipulators, but Type 2's just control differently to fill their self-esteem. They are excellent underdogs, too. They refuse to be "judged", and will lie, lie, lie to achieve their means."

"I've just had enough. I've had enough with their meaningless chatter when I'm trying to work, and I'm tired of female relatives automatically being stereotypical 2's. They all hate pain, but they all love pain killers."

"Most Two's I know must be liked and loved. It's like they are stuck being kids, and that's why they don't age as rapidly as others. Two's want to be Fours, so they act like Free Spirits. What winds us happening is that their karma and irresponsible actions ("it sounded good at the time") cause more misery and stress in their lives."

"Now, I just nod my head when they ramble about something that is truly insignificant, but seems like a major catastrophe to them. Nag, nag, nag. All card carrying members of the TDA* too. "

"I mean, they aren't productive with real things. They think they're productive in relationships, but after the break up, that guy or institution or family member is DEAD."

"I nod my head. Agree. Try to block out what they are saying or are attempting to e-mail me, and move on. I mean, heaven help me if I actually respond with the truth or point out a logical flaw in their predicament. And if I ever- EVER- once expressed a feeling how THEY acting in a selfish and not-helpful way, forget about it- I'm the New Public Enemy #1. They don't listen to me anyway- bunch of freakin' Drama Queens- the lot of them. They *always* have problems in relationships and money? I WONDER WHY."

Click here and here for info about the Enneagram that DailySkew wrote.

Here's a clip about a Type Two. Believe me, this has to be the most CALM Two I've ever seen (of course the interview is an advertisement, but you get the idea.)



*TDA: Time Displacement Authority. Ever have someone who "makes" you be late? Don't you ever just want to do your own daily routine without being sidetracked? Did you ever wish you could throw your cell-phone in a river? Well, if you find your time-line getting screwed up by someone over and over, there's a great chance they are members of the TDA. They exist solely to ruin your original time-line. They are the people that call you up and cause you to forget something or kill an hour of your productivity. They are the ones who force you to watch Star Wars marathons when you really need to be going to sleep. They are the ones that keep saying "goodbye" when you try to leave their house, and wind up causing you to be late or get into an accident. Sometimes it's perfectly harmless; other times your time-line can be ruined.

Domino's 4-4-4 Controversy

I really get a kick out of the Domino's commercial where the medieval guy yells, "Rubbish!" and blows up the delivery car. So, I figured I'd post the video for anyone who hasn't seen it.

Little did I know the controversy about this commercial:



Pizza drivers of the world, unite?

***

Then, I found this question on Yahoo:

Who's the girl in the Domino's commercial where her car gets blown up?
She's freaking hot! Has she ever been in anything else?

As best I can tell, you can only see the back of the young lady's head. I guess this fool is attracted to ponytails?

***

Anyway, I dedicate this post to Thorbjorn, whose sock puppet claimed I was obsessed with banks. Enjoy.

Another example of revisionist history

Or, to paraphrase from the book 1984: "He who controls the present controls the past."

Here's a quote from a CNN Money news article I read this morning on my cellphone (a.k.a. my modern morning newspaper):

In September 2007, the most recent month for which data is available, more than 20% of subprime mortgage borrowers with scores of between 840 and 900 were 60 days or more delinquent, according to First American LoanPerformance. That default rate was roughly equal to that of borrowers with much lower scores, in the 540 to 599 range.

Oh, you didn't know? Que Road Dogg and Mr. Ass:



Thank you.

Anyway ... did I miss something? All I've heard these past few months are that subprime borrowers are people with BAD CREDIT who received mortgages they couldn't afford from incompetent lenders. Since when did people with excellent credit scores become considered subprime borrowers?

I love how this article jumps straight into the notion of "20% of subprime borrowers with scores between 840 and 900" WITHOUT EXPLAINING THE NOTION.

Sorry. I'm not buying that people with scores between 840 and 900 are subprime. Excuse me if I don't pull out my wallet and believe that the office manager of a Fort Lauderdale radio station is a subprime borrower. I refuse to invest in doublespeak.

By labeling someone with excellent credit as a subprime borrower, this potentially sets us all up for higher interest rates and costs associated with credit cards and loans in the future ... as well as ever-insidious bank fees, charges, and penalties. I can see it now:

"Why has my interest gone up ten points?"

"Well, sir, you are a subprime borrower."

"Excuse me? I have an excellent credit rating!"

"AND you own a home that you may not be able to afford. So, of course you are subprime."

I'm sorry, but to paraphrase 1984 again, We were not at war with Eurasia last week, no matter how many times you tell me otherwise. I remember, Gosh darn it!

Sigh. Since half the population is doped up on pot or prescription psychotropic medication, I know these words are a complete waste of time. Since the other half of the population is watching pornhub or whatever, I should just give up. After all, I'm no better. I, too, am "Only human."

Label me subprime, even if my score is 900. I'll take 20% interest on my next car loan, Alex. Really, I don't mind. I know paying my bills on time is not enough. I need to earn more money, and since my company only has enough profit to build a golden parachute, I won't be getting any raise this year.

***

Meanwhile, people are dying in Darfur. Who cares about fat Americans who over-leveraged themselves? Well, after they come after the people with good credit, they'll come after whoever is left. There will be fewer people able to assist the poorer parts of the world financially, and the few with money may not care to do so.

I'm just sayin'. Think about that when you wire money to loved ones somewhere in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Cuba, Brazil, Nigeria, Haiti, and other far-flung places. Your family is counting on your help. The people who are benefiting from this crisis want your money, too ... and THEY don't care who starves in order to get it.

Write your congressman. Encourage them to pass a bill that forces banks to refinance these loans so that value of the home represents today's prices, not the bubble prices of three years ago.

Oh, wait. I forgot. You're all overmedicating and watching porn. Never mind.

PSA -- B.B. has an eye on your cellphone, you fool

Two weeks ago, my wife was in a car accident. It turned out to be a minor fender bender on the highway, but at the time I didn't know that.

She called me. I was out of town on business. She asked me to call 911 (her phone had gotten wet recently, and the number 1 on her keypad wasn't working -- is this shaping up to be a plot out of Final Destination or what?).

I called. I tell them my wife's been in an accident on Turnpike.

"Where on Turnpike?"

"Just north of Atlantic Blvd."

"Atlantic ... sir, this is the Lakeland 9-1-1."

The gentleman proceeded to tell me that even though my phone is a 954 Broward County area code, my cell phone company automatically connects me with the local 9-1-1 for the area I'm in.

So ... OF COURSE, the guy didn't have the number for Broward 9-1-1 (LME). He told me to call 4-1-1 ... after having to yell at two different phone operators ("You wanna be the news? My wife's been in a CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY and you're not connecting me!") I finally got through to a nice lady at BSO (Gracie, I think was her name) who took charge of the situation and got assistance out to my wife. The roadside assistance people even changed a damaged tire for her. I'm thankful for their help.

At any rate, I told Damian about this, and he insisted that I write about my 9-1-1 cell phone experience. I'm sure the technical types are already aware of this -- this is a PSA for the common man who, like myself, gets the cheapest Nokia phone possible when renewing his or her family plan with AT&T or Verizon or whoever.

You see, my little Nokia is a GSM phone. It has three bands -- 850, 1800, and 1900. If you're in Europe, switch the 850 for 900.

My phone is a 2G phone, even though I have a 3G chip. 2G is apparently Tri-Band, and 3G is Quad-Band. Quad-Band offers more coverage.

Well, even though I have the phone with the older technology, the cell-phone company, via the cell towers, can locate me and know instantly that I'm in Lakeland when dialing 9-1-1, even though I have Broward County number.

***

Since the vast majority of people now use cellphones, I think it's pretty safe to declare the era of privacy is now over.

Here goes: the era of privacy is now officially over. It's been over for quite some time now -- several years, at least.

There, I said it. Whether you embrace the new age of everything being public (I saw an author once on C-Span pitching that privacy is overrated and this new era is better for everybody), or not, it's here.

***

On a side-note: I am currently rereading 1984, and making a list of modern things that remind me of the phrases and symbolism from that book. Clearly, the cell phone tracking will be under Big Brother is Watching You.

Pseudoparodox -- The Price Increase Pattern

You can see the pattern everywhere. For example: Real Estate. Home prices have dropped. People owe more than their homes are worth ... so, they want to walk away from their mortgages because rent is cheap.

Well, guess what? Since so many people want to do that, the price of renting has started to creep up again.

How about this biofuel thing? The Corn Growers appeared on C-Span, talking about how cost-effective it is to grow corn and convert it into fuel, and how the waste products can be used to feed farm animals ... and how cheap the process is ... how cheap grain is, this and that.

Well, now that we're actually following their ideas, the demand for the crops went up, b/c now you have biofuel users competing with people who eat ... and the prices have gone up corn, rice, wheat.

And all this b/c we have this pseudoparodox ... this sick pattern. "Oh, Item X cheap! Let's use it!"

"Oh, now everyone wants it! The price has gone up!"

There you go.

Why not dig for shale in Canada, and turn into oil. It's cheap! Once we, as a society, actually commit to that course of action, we'll hear "Oh! It's so expensive."

It's a sick pattern.

***

I heard the golf bag (tm Michael Savage) on the other day, saying that capitalists are realists. They don't believe perfection is possible. Therefore ... caveat emptor. Fend for yourself. Rugged Individualism.

Perhaps he's right. Perhaps all that sci-fi Star Trek utopian stuff is a bunch of crap, and you can't have perfection when people are imperfect.

So ... there's no way to govern things perfectly, or maintain a good thing perfectly. Consumers are irrational. Leaders can be corrupted, can be become greedy, or can make mistakes even if they have the best of intentions. No one can truly predict the future on a consistent basis.

So ... perhaps he's right, and we all need a dose of realism (tm). Keep it real.

It's a pattern, one we have live with. There isn't any better way of running a society at the moment than what we have here.

The answer doesn't seem to be a better system ... the answer s within ourselves, the group, and community ... accepting (tm) what the situation is and holding leaders accountable for their actions.

It's a battle. It's a constant, everyday slog. It's a war on ignorance, greed, corruption. That's the pattern we need to strive for.

What is Ultimate Truth?

The master and his pupil sat in a cave, deep within the Himalayas ... far from civilization.

"Master, what is the ultimate truth?"

"Truth? Ha!"

"Master, please. I searched you out. I have studied with you for years ... soaking in your wisdom ... and yet, the answer to the question of ultimate truth ... it eludes me. What am I missing?"

"What you're missing is the question."

"What do you mean?"

"Asking if there is an ultimate truth is like asking if there is one ultimate version of, say, Spiderman."

"What?"

"What was the first version of Spiderman? Do you know?"

"Uh...."

"The comic book. Early 1960's. Before you time. The second version? It was a cartoon in the late 60's. The third version was a failed television show. The fourth was the Amazing Spiderman and Friends cartoon. There was another cartoon in the late 90's ... a comic book reboot ... and, of course, the movies. Tell me -- which one is the truth about Spiderman?"

"Uh ... the first one?"

"No. They all have elements of the truth -- which is that Peter Parker was bitten by a spider and he got great powers, learned great responsibility, and became a superhero. There are different versions of the truth, all with those similar elements. The first version does not make it the truest version."

"Okay ... so the legend of Spiderman has something to do with ultimate truth...."

"No -- ha ha! The point is this -- there are multiple truths, each sharing the same elements."

"Oh."

"Actually, there are nine truths to be exact."

"Really."

"And forty variations of each truth."

"Huh."

"The ultimate truth for you may not be the ultimate truth for me ... but they do have the same core elements."

"I see."

The Master handed his pupil an orange book.

"No. You will see."

I've Lost All Faith in Banking Executives

It is with a sorrow-filled heart that I must state here on the WWW to all five of our readers that, in fact, BANKING EXECUTIVES ARE CLUELESS. They are completely out of touch with the reality out here, where the houses are ... where mortgages are more than just a blip on a balance sheet.

It's like watching Peter Sellers negotiate with the Russian Premier while a lone bomber journeys into the heart of the Soviet Union, about to set off the Apocalypse.

***

Let me take you back to two weeks ago. I was speaking with a friend named Arnie who owns two homes. He lives in one, and rents out the other to a cousin. The cousin has decided to take advantage of the plethora of foreclosures on the market, and buy a steeply-discounted home -- nothing wrong with that, even though Arnie felt Betrayed (tm) that the cousin didn't offer to buy the home he was renting ... you know, the one that Arnie spent tens of thousands of dollars fixing up.

"That's fine."

So, Arnie was considering letting go of both homes. "What am I gonna do? I can't find a trustworthy renter, and my other mortgage is killing me."

Now, Arnie is in better shape than most. He's CURRENT on both mortgages. He owes approximately $300,000 on both. I told him that if he were in San Fransisco, he would be sitting pretty -- they WISH they could have a cheap $300,000 mortgage over there! He and his wife both have stable jobs. They earn enough money to hold on to both properties. It would be tough, but doable.

That dose of Perspective (tm) was not enough. Arnie still questioned the wisdom of paying close to $3,000 a month on two properties -- $36,000 in a year ... $360,000 in TEN YEARS -- when he could rent the same home nearby for only $800 a month. He reasoned that he could put the money he'd be saving on the mortgages into savings, and buy a home with CASH in three to five years. Meanwhile, there's absolutely ZERO guarantee his homes will be worth the money he puts in one decade from now.

I tried more Perspective (tm). I explained that his credit is valuable, and should not be tossed away so easily. I explained that just b/c other home buyers are jumping off the proverbial Brooklyn Bridge, it doesn't mean he should join them. I stated that the market remains unpredictable -- the experts didn't see the crash in prices. Why would they see a recovery?

I finally stated the following:

Have you contacted the bank? You're current with your mortgages. I'm sure they will help you. The banks can't POSSIBLY be as arrogant as they have been recently. In the past, they would've held firm and forced you to pay or walk away, but now? Come on! They would be STUPID not to negotiate with you!

Go to their website. I'm sure they have programs available for honest customers like yourself. Surely they're willing to work with someone who is CURRENT on their mortgage.

Right.

I looked up his bank's website. The best they could do was convert his current mortgage to one with a longer term, and possibly lower interest rates. Thanks, and have a nice day.

Offering a lower monthly payment is not what guys like Arnie, who feel like they're being SCREWED every time they pay their mortgage ... who feel like "The Man" is benefiting from his timely payments, and is deaf to his pleas for help ... offering a lower monthly payment to a person with A+ credit is a slap in the face.

***

But that's not all, folks ... enter: The SHORT SALE.

Ah, yes, the short sale. The balm that cures an indebted buyer's ills.

Oh, you didn't know what a Short Sale was?






Well, guess what? Realtors (ahaha) don't want to do Short Sales. Why, you ask?

Their official pitch is that:

1. It takes 4-6 weeks for the bank to sort through all the bids.
2. If there are a lot of bids on a home, the bank will assume there's demand and jack up the price.
3. The seller sets the price low to draw in potential buyers ... yet the price is not officially approved by the bank.

The DailySkew translation of the Realtor's (tm) pitch is as follows:

1. I needs to get paid. I got my own mortgage to pay, biootch.
2. I can get a sweet foreclosure with less hassle for you.
3. The bank don't give a damn about the seller, and neither do I!

So, the "Bottom line" is that the banks and Realtors (tms) have "Two wooorrrds for ya!"



One final thought: it occurs to me that the banks are waiting for Washington D.C. to come up with a solution. They're waiting for our Congressmen and women to FORCE them to lower the principal owed by people like Arnold, and ENCOURAGE honest buyers to stick with the current system.

So, not only are the bank executives STUPID, but they're GUTLESS.

They're AFRAID to take a course of action that will LOSE MONEY IN THE SHORT RUN IN ORDER TO SAVE THE MORTGAGE SYSTEM AS WE KNOW IT! WHAT A BUNCH OF GUTLESS, SHORT-SIGHTED FOOLS!



Look, our economic system is based on FAITH. The greenback requires FAITH from the masses. It requires BELIEF in order to have VALUE. HELLO.

By holding firm ... by continuing to be ARROGANT, the banks are eroding faith and belief amongst the people.

And, we, the people, are going to eat, eat, eat what they sow ... and weep.

No wonder they're arrogant, gutless, and stupid. There's no motivation to be any other way.


Maybe the anti-matter cloud that is hitting our banking system is a good thing, after all.

Thank God Matrix Trilogy Is Not Popular Anymore

My friend Damian recently posted an article about the Star Wars Trilogy, where he basically turned in his Star Wars fan club card and walked away from that universe of stories. The main reason he did that had to do with the obsessive/compulsive/critical nature of Star Wars fans on the web, along with their hypocrisy.

Well, along those lines, I'd like to share with our six readers that I am HAPPY that the Matrix Trilogy has NOT stood the test of the time. I don't have to run across constant message boards or blogs that rip Matrix: Revolutions, how the last two movies should have explored the Buddhist feel of the first movie, when the prequels will be released (let alone sequels!), are the comic books in continuity, or whatever.

It's not that I disagree with the notion that the last two movies had some missed opportunities, in terms of inspiring movie goers towards being more Buddhist with their perspective and mindfulness ... it's just that I really enjoyed the last two movies for what they were -- great action flicks with comic book sensibility.

The car chase scene in the second movie is absolutely amazing, for example. From the music to the motorcycles to the Tomaz/Zamot clones chasing our heroes, and drivers turning into agents ... when Link yells "Yes!" at the end of it, I relate to his relief!

And for all the people that didn't enjoy the third movie -- I guess seeing Agent Smith take over the Oracle and enter the human world to kill Neo wasn't interesting enough? "That's fine."

You know what that means for me? I'll have plenty of years where I can occasionally plop that movie on my screen and see something I never noticed before ... there aren't legions of obsessive/compulsive fans that I'm aware of, like Agent Smith clones, out there to ruin the movie experience the way they've ruined Star Wars for Damian.

So, thank God for small blessings.

***

In related news -- The Lord of the Rings trilogy is better than all six Star Wars movies. I'd like to agree with Damian's comments on that -- the fact that those movies had a solid literary foundation and were filmed by people who loved the story and characters really shows. It's a brilliant, deep, meaningful tale. The Force is a snot rag compared to the magic in Lord of the Rings.

'Nuff said.

Tony: I've Used Performance Enhancers

M.O.T. News

Clewiston, Florida -- From a sugar plantation, Tony Vahl -- co-founder of the DailySkew series of websites -- made a shocking announcement.

"Yes, I currently use performance enhancers," he stated at a press conference today during lunch break at U.S. Sugar.


"I am outraged," stated Arturo Sundvold, a former contributor to the DailySkew. "I trusted him. I looked up to him. He was an icon of nobility. Now? He's nothing in my book.

"He's just as bad as Canseco."

"I've been saying for years, he's the weak sister of the Vahl-Hospital team," stated Angel Jimenez, frequent contributor and occasional critic of the website. "He's Garfunkel to Simon. He's Richards to Jagger. He's a hanger on, and now we find out he needs enhancers to keep up with the mighty Hospital? What a loser.

"I vow to keep the pressure up until he quits or Damian comes to his senses and dumps him."

Tony Vahl revealed during the press conference that he has been trying Ginkgo Biloba and Super-B Complex vitamins for several months.

"I conducted experiments on myself -- one month on, then one month off. First with the Super-B Multi Vitamins and then the Ginkgo. I noted the results, and proved to myself that the doses of B vitamins and Ginkgo I was taking helped boost my mental stamina and physical energy.

"While I know that taking vitamins and herbs is a controversial subject, I just wanted to let everyone know what I'm doing. Also, if there is anyone else who is suffering as I was, I just want them to know -- you are not alone, and there is a reasonable, cost-effective solution out there."

Vahl also announced that he has undertaken an exercise regiment, in conjunction with the vitamins, herbs, and smaller portions of his vegetarian diet.

"These vitamins are not a magic pill!" stated Vahl. "you have to do everything -- cardio, balanced diet. You have to do it all. And, of course, you should consult your doctor before doing anything, as I have."

Not everyone in the MEDIA was buying Vahl's pious approach.

"This is a blow to the credibility of the DailySkew website," stated Dan Patrick of LMESPN fame. "It's the scarlet letter of our day. Good luck getting published with that on your record."

Vahl, while being peppered with tough questions, was unapologetic. "Look -- I need this to perform well at my job. That's the bottom line. And the exercise makes me healthy. I need this balanced approach! I'm always striving to improve myself, and I feel I'm doing it in a legal, healthy way."

Damian Hospital was unavailable for comment.

"Weighing in at 4.65 GB ... Google Desktop!"

The following is a narrative poem, like the classics epics of the past:

Are you kidding me?
I'm out of space
C drive filled
Can't upload photos for wife
Can't listen to MLB
Websites won't load
Microsoft error messages

Welcome to 21st century hell

Is it Silverlight?
Automatically blaming Gates
Read about a weakness
on MLB.com
Have I been sabatoged
by a nameless
faceless
hacker?

Is my computer infected?

I find some way
to free up 50 megs
to finish helping my wife
and moments later...
... it's gone!
Good-bye!
I watched 50 megs
DISappe....
As I hit F5 on Explorer

Damn

I must be infected.
I scan.
I AVG.
I Spybot.
I Ad-Aware.
Nothing.
I delete more crud
Space restored
to 60 megabytes, Captain

Running on Impulse power

I turn it off
Shut DOWN
After staying up
an hour more
than I planned

The next evening
after work
I reboot, hoping
praying
Nah. 60 megs still

I do a search
*.*
Date Modified?
The past week
I pull up the results
And what do I see?

4.65GB

Five files
like rpm.cb1
taking up a
total
of
4
.
6
5
G
B

Here, I've been
cursing Microsoft
Cursing Thorbjorn
for telling me
10GB would be
enough for my
partitioned
C drive

Cursing my Charlie Brown
Misfortune

And it was Google
E tu, Brute?

I LOVE Google
I love Google Desktop
It's made my life easier
but at what cost?

4.65 GB?

Too much
Too much
Es Mucho

I have to
uninstall
walk away
give it up

I had
just uninstalled
Photoshop
I've uninstalled
SO MANY THINGS
OVER THE PAST
TWO YEARS

E tu, Google.

Ceasar's hitting
the delete button
on that knife
to the back

He's going to
Control Panel
He's taking back
What's his

4.65

Uninstall
The prompt
DIRE WARNING
Am I sure?
Google won't be able
to protect me
from malware
from phishing
from evil

F*** YOU, BRUTE

GIVE ME BACK
MY 4.65 GB
YOU DAMN DIRTY DESKTOP!

4.65 GB
I am relieved

A triumph

I won't have to
buy a new computer
reinstall Windows
Install Linux
buy a new hard drive

A triumph

Now
Where's that Photoshop disk?

Suddenly
I feel like that guy
planting the flag
While Heston laughs

In Memoriam: Charlton Heston

Click here for a fantastic blog post that memorialized Heston and his great career, complete with classic movie clips.

Click here for a great eulogy by Damian.

Click here for a dream I had of Heston this morning, prior to hearing of his passing. I'm sure it's just a coincidence hahahahaahahahaa.

Finally, I'd like to reprint a satirical-yet-serious piece from a few years back. We here at the Skew officially endorse this message:

Earth-Never: President Heston Speaks on September 12, 2001

The following is an official Earth-Never transcript of a speech delivered by President Charlton Heston the day after the 9-11 tragedies:

The bombing has began. In response to the COWARDLY acts that occurred yesterday in New York, Washington D.C., and Pennsylvania, we are destroying all-known terrorists in the Middle East.

We know who the terrorists are. The hijackers were members of Al-Quaida. Al-Quaida's leader Osama bin Laden is currently located in Afghanistan. His organization trains there. Now, his organization is being wiped from the face of the earth.

As with any war, innocent victims will die. Many innocents died yesterday, while trying to go to work. Today, many more will die. Any person living within 100 miles of a known terrorist is likely to be dead after tonight. Please pray for these souls -- that God will help them understand and give them peace.

We are the world's superpower. We do not tolerate these GUTLESS attacks. And we are responding in kind.

As the world's superpower, we have a responsibility -- to stand for freedom and democracy, and to crush tyranny when it exists.

Yesterday, we were attacked by a new kind of tyranny. As a superpower, we have the ability to counter-attack and wipe this new kind of tyranny off the face of the earth. And we are.

It is unfortunate that the Middle East governments were unwilling to fight the terrorists head-on. Their lack of diligence has lead to this day, and makes them equally accountable for the thousands of deaths on American soil.

After the bombing, the Middle East will be largely inhabitable for years to come. This will obviously have an affect on our economy, as well as the world's economy. We believe that this is a NECESSARY hardship that we MUST endure in order to insure that terrorism will CEASE to exist.

One nation has been spared: Israel. Israel has been the only partner in that area to stand by us 100%. We have assurances from Prime Minister Sharon that the Palestinian terrorist problem will also be taken care of over the next 24 hours. We trust Israel, and we applaud their actions.

We understand that the actions being taken today will be upsetting to certain members of the Islamic community here in America. In order to assure that no retaliatory attacks take place within our borders, all mosques will be asked to close until the terrorist problem is solved, and all Muslims will be asked to voluntarily hand themselves over to local military or police officials. We need to get to the bottom of this, and root out terrorism in all forms from our country. If your Muslim, I say to you now: your cooperation will be greatly appreciated.

Finally, my fellow Americans, we must look to the future. The men and women who died yesterday will not die in vain. We will insure that terrorism will cease to exist in our country, and in the world. By doing so, we offer a peaceful planet to our children, and their children.

Goodnight, and may God bless us all.