DailySkew

Pan: The leader of the goats, sheep, and pigs at Tradewinds Park

This is how the official Broward County websites describe Tradewinds Park:

“Tradewinds Park is an approximately 627-acre Broward County regional park and is located on both sides of Sample Road at 3600 W. Sample Rd. in Coconut Creek, just west of Florida’s Turnpike. The park is open daily from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.“

This is what they don’t tell you:

The livestock pen at the farm (some people mistakenly believe it is a petting zoo) is run by one of the most powerful and magical goats of all time. His name is Pan, and he is colored black and white, with penetrating eyes and sharp horns.

Last Sunday, CCB3 and I observed how Pan and the other goats and sheep live and interact with each other. Whereas some families simply walked by the open stables and pen and saw a bunch of animals lying on the ground resting, CCB3 and I stood for hours watching the nuancies and details of Pan’s World.

Here’s our report:

Every society is run by alpha males, whether it be at your workplace or the livestock pen at Tradewinds Park. Pan is the dominant male in that society. At first we saw Pan patrolling the area, and he stood out because of his unusual color and mesmerizing eyes. Not only was Pan the most physically active, but he charged the other goats and sheep who dared lie down on the wooden Lookout Point (a stair/slide) in the center of the stable. After Pan cleared out Lookout Point, he proceeded to strut, grandstand, and stare down the female animals and any male animal foolish enough to challenge him.

Pan sharpened his horns, flexed his chest, and exercised his hooves. When a female goat approached CCB3 and I after I made a goat call, Pan ignored us, and sent mental telepathy to the female to “keep on movin’ bit_h”.

In fact, CCB3 and I heard Pan taunt and threaten all the males there. Pan, who sent these communications while he stared them down, said such threats as “Step down, punk”, “What?”, “I thought so…”, “Whatcha gonna do, boy?”, and “Sit your @$$ down”.

We also overheard Gar-Gar try to rally the sheep and goats to overthrown Pan again. Gar-Gar used to rule the pen years ago, before Pan rose to power by crippling Gar-Gar’s legs.

We also observed the mischievous Pan, Jr. Junior is an unstoppable force who knows he is protected by his father. Only Pan, Jr. was allowed to ascend Lookout Point with Pan’s permission. The pathetic Gar-Gar resents Pan Jr.

GAR-GAR: “Sheep, I bring news from Aldaron- news that can defeat Pan! Wait, please, you must listen!”

Pan allows Mexican chickens and roosters to make brief cameo appearances from the other pen. He also is well aware of the pigs next door to his area. As long as they have food, they are not a threat to his society. Birds are allowed to rest in their nests in the shade.

Pan seemingly was taking a rest in the middle of the day, as he lied down at the entrance of Lookout Point. However, we watched and chuckled as Pan sensed when one goat approached the other end of Lookout Point. All Pan had to do was slightly adjust his weight, and the other goat was caught in mid-step, and pretended that he was just “passing by”.

Pan’s life is tough because he must always supervise and be aware of everything. The sheep and other goats are not productive enough for Pan. We felt Pan sigh as one goat jumped into their water tub and fell asleep. Pan has been grooming the undisciplined Pan, Jr. but is not ready to turn over the reigns of power to him. Indeed, Pan will not transfer power willingly. Years from now, Pan Jr. must slay his father to claim his throne at Lookout Point.

At the end of our day, Pan put on a majestic and regal demonstration of his masculinity and power: he began to bang his head on lookout point, stood up and sharpened his horns. All of the female animals froze and worshiped him. After 6:00PM, when Tradewinds Park closed, Pan has his way with his preferred mates.

Gar-Gar did his best to look away from Pan, and pleaded with the humans that passed by to help his rebellion to overthrow Pan. Many times Gar-Gar looked at CCB3 and I with his sad and defeated eyes begging for us to help. Little did Gar-Gar know that we support Pan’s reign.

Long live PAN!

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