The DailySkew

Fred Hinde Tribute

It's very possible that I wouldn't be here today without the help of Fred Warren Hinde.

I'll always remember the first day I met Fred. I was at the lowest point of my life, and sought a professional to work with me and get my head on straight- I was a confused, depressed, anti-social, hurt, and angry teenager who had just lost all of my money, status, self-respect, confidence, future, potential, and reputation.

Fred, who was a tall, big, and older man towered over me, but he greeted me with a jolly smile and chuckle, like Santa Claus, and shook my hand with the power that I had lacked.

Fred immediately asked me to forgive myself for creating the circumstances leading up to my state of pain. From the moment he laid eyes upon me he saw that I was a good person, a smart person, and an ethical and moral person, who just happened to make one wrong decision.

Here was Fred- a total stranger- who was able to see the real me, just by sensing my aura, composure, my speech patterns, and my answers. He gave me the benefit of the doubt, and I am eternally grateful.

Fred made sure to tell me that I was not his patient- that I was his client. And after a few visits, he told me I was his friend. Fred and I would have deep discussions about all aspects of life, from religion to politics to women to how he became a psychologist to his own personal history and views. We respected each other's opinions, and he treated me as his equal, even though he was by all accounts a genius in the field of psychology.

I had studied psychology in school, and Fred always hoped I would pursue it. He would go on to teach me why compassion, empathy, listening, and love are traits everyone should have. He truly believed that 99% of the people were innately good.

He took me under his wing, and we would have lunch together so many times- his treat because he said he invited me, and I wasn't working yet. Thanks to his confidence-building, however, he taught me the skills to go on an interview, and how to be genuine. I finally was able to pay for his lunch with time.

Fred got me interested in dream interpretation, and bought me a dream book. He also was very open-minded about rebirths and past lives, and gave me a book on that. Fred believed in a Force that made up the universe. And he believed in karma. When my cat required surgery, he handed me $100 without me asking for hit. He told me to pay him back one day when I could, but when I tried to give him the money years later, he wouldn't take it.

Fred Hinde loved me unconditionally, and I loved him unconditionally. We shared all our fears, desires, and thoughts, without fear of judgment. I told him I was concerned about his smoking habits since he was in his early 60's, but it was something he was used to and enjoyed, and said it was his choice. I realized that it was his choice, and I didn't nag him anymore. He had lived a full, happy, productive life, and did so much good for people.

He encouraged me and recommended me to go to technical school to study programming. That lead me to a stable job.

That was Fred- always helping and giving to people who wanted to better their lives. The sheer knowledge and philosophies Fred shared with me, like how it's acceptable to say "no" to people, and how to have empathy yet still realize that my feelings are ultimately more important than other people's is too much for a blog post. Fred was honest and firm when it came to giving constructive advise, but said it in a way that was not brutally honest. He talked about not taking things personally, and striving to see things objectively.

One day, Fred told me that I was ready to be fully integrated back into society, and that I had been so for some time; I had held a job for a year or so, and although I still had my high and lows and will always have a quirky and sarcastic personality, he knew I was fine.

Like an injured bird, he had nurtured me back to good health, and let me fly away on my own, without looking back. I had kept in touch with him perhaps once a year just to tell him that I was okay. I never told him about any drama or negative stuff going on.

I tried to get into contact him a few years ago to tell him about my fiance, but one of his office's answering machines never got to him.

This Friday night I wanted to tell him how much he positively affected my life, and for him to meet my wife, who is caring just like he. I was up all night thinking about all the things he and I talked about, and how our friendship was 100% genuine, and how he went above and beyond any professional. I used to laugh when he had told me he disliked paperwork, procedures, and board meetings.

Fred also allowed me to take charge in group settings, and gave me valuable experience being his sidekick when it came to helping people with substance abuse problems, and people who were trapped by the invisible chains we all imprison ourselves with.

Fred was the type of man who worked to make a difference in people's lives one person at a time, and he had once told me about other people whom he had helped in the past. I wanted to call Fred Monday and tell him how much I appreciated him, and how altruistic he was. Of course, I had already told him these things years ago, but I know that he would be very proud of my marriage and how stable my life has become, walking the right path.

Fred and I didn't have to maintain constant contact. I always saw him as my guardian angel, with his warm smile and gentle laugh, looking out for me. He had actually wrote several letters of recommendation for me, and put his reputation on the line. Whereas many other people talk the talk, Fred wrote his signature on more than one occasion to benefit me without the slightest second of hesitation or with lawyers involved.

His telephone number was unlisted, and since most of his career was spent pre-Internet, I had problems trying to records of him. I finally called some message service for an office listed under his name, and a woman called back.

She informed me Fred died of a heart attack around 3 years ago.

I've been crying on and off again for around 16 hours this past day, as much as I try to hold it in. Fred would know it's part of the normal grieving process. And he wouldn't want me to be sad. But I can't hold it in. I wanted to say goodbye, and tell him how much of an influence he had on my life, and the lives of all the others I have positively touch, like my friends and family. That is good karma in action, and Fred Hinde was the only father figure I had since I moved down here to Florida. It was because of him that I am here now. I know he refused to take credit for anything, but I know he would have liked to hear the words from my mouth one more time. But I can rest easily knowing that Fred was satisfied and finished with me, and that he knew I was fine.

Fred Hinde is a role model for all humankind, one of the most kindest and gentle human beings, yet someone who could be tough and aggressive to get something done. I'm sharing my experiences with him so everyone knows and strive to follow his example.

An eye for an eye makes the world blind. Only through understanding and compassion for others AND ourselves, can we begin to change the world.

If any of Fred's family or friends read this post, I would appreciate if I can contact Mary and tell her how much Fred meant to me and my family.

-Damian Hospital

Labels: deaths, tribute

posted by DamianHospital @ Thursday, July 17, 2008