The Two, also called The Helper, is caring, generous, possessive, and manipulative.
Key motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings towards others. To be needed and appreciated. To vindicate claims about themselves.
Healthy Twos: Compassionate, with empathy, feeling with and for others. Caring and concerned about their needs. Outgoing, passionate. Offer friendship and kindness. Thoughtful, warm hearted, giving. Able to see the good on others. Dedicated and supportive of people. Nurturing and giving. Radiantly joyous.
Average Twos: “People pleasers” with the intention to get closer to others. Overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, seductive, flattering. Talkative, especially about love and relationships. Intrusive, and overly intimate. Hovering, meddling, and controlling in the name of love. Want others to depend on them. Give, but expect in return. Mixed signals. Possessive. Overly caring, wearing everyone out. Increasingly self-important. Seek specific forms of repayment. Overate their efforts. Feel indispensable.
Unhealthy Twos: Manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by making others feel indebted to them. Abuse food and medication to get sympathy. Undermine people by making belittling and disparaging remarks. Self-deceptive about their true motives, and how selfish and aggressive their behavior is. Feel entitled to get anything they want from others by acting domineering and coercive. Leads to chronic health problems and fall apart to burden others.
Damian Hospital’s personal experience with Twos:
Where do I begin? Most people have close female relatives that are Twos, and I am no different. Indeed, the average female in our society is often expected to be a Type Two- which is being a loving mother, hostess, and someone that values feelings and emotions. Tony Vahl and I believe that the personification of Mother Earth is a Type Two. There is no question that Type Two’s are the embodiment of the social norm for a female, cliched or not.
Female Twos (especially from previous generations) have a habit of worrying and nagging and babying. They hate being alone, and need to have a role as a nurturer- from being a parent, to raising animals, gardening, or being a babysitter. Younger Twos would never admit to worrying or nagging.
Many Twos are wanna-be Fours, and they are attracted to the non-mainstream, rebels, artists, and creativity. They hate to judge others (and hate to be judged). Although they worship anti-authority, they are generally too inhibited, shy, or self-conscious to deal with the independent spirit and conflict that Fours deal with. Twos like to host, make meals, make you laugh, and to have FUN, while Fours may do those things, too, they have a deeper edge.
Twos generally idealize their mates, and expect unconditional attention and love in return. Because of this impractical desire, their relationships are drama-filled, and can go downhill pretty fast. Twos are emotional and irrational in average or unhealthy relationships.
Twos battle self-esteem issues and are awfully sensitive. They need a pat on the back, and if they feel that they are being used, you will feel their wrath. They are helpful, yes, but hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
The Twos I know have issues with technical things and memory. The left brain/right brain myth seems true with Twos. They loves dreams, music, songs, cartoons, movies, TV, and other forms of entertainment.
Occupation-wise, Twos excel at care giving, reception desk, medical, dental, massage, physical therapy, and try to avoid high-stressful technical positions and professional cutthroat jobs. Average Twos value their happiness and fun times so much that they don’t like to sacrifice their recreational activities and hobbies.
There may not be an Enneagram Type wing as different as a “straight Two” and a Two with a Three Wing (2w3). The 3 wing brings out the motivational skills and drive from the Two. 2w3 can turn off the emotions and can be thick-skinned, while 2′s take everything personally. 2w3 are more outgoing and talkative (which says a lot). They must be surrounded by friends for self-worth, and they love gossip, scandals, etc. 2w3′s have a more confident exterior, but know there role as a helper. They are the masters of stroking egos for something in return, while the straight is more relaxed in the business world.
Neither type likes rules and regulations, and want exceptions as a reward for their being a “good person who makes sacrifices”, although an old fashioned 2w3 will serve her boss with no questions asked if she is treated well. 2w3′s are tough, and can be mistaken for 8′s. 2w3′s place a high value on materialism and image.
All Twos like to live free, and based on the setting can be hippies, earth-mothers, biker chicks, New Age, groupies, worshipful of celebrities, , etc.
Now…regarding male Twos: they really stand out since they are more in touch with emotions and being sensitive; John Wayne they are NOT. Although sexual orientation has nothing to do with the Enneagram, many male Twos can be mistakenly judged as being gay based on some stereotypes people have about “gay mannerisms” or “gay hobbies” (like a man taking care of plants or going out of his way to cook meals or wear bracelets or have cats as pets).
Most male Twos love being sidekicks and part of the crowd. They also have relationship issues because they see themselves as being walked all over and being a victim in a dominate relationship. Like all Twos, they insist on being repaid for their niceness.
Male 2w3′s, like their female counterparts, seem to have a split personality, and can be seen as phony.
All types of Twos can be seen as child-like, simplistic, and never act their age, from a 55-year old women dating a 25-year old, to a 70-year old salesman in a sports car.
That being said, they are very inspiring and even average Twos will make you feel happy, take care of you, have compassion, and bring a different perspective to the table. In a world where everyone cares about the bottom dollar, Twos care about putting smiles on faces.
The most healthy Two I personally had the honor of meeting is named Fred Hinde. He has an unconditional love, understanding, and compassion for all of humanity, yet is still one of the most masculine and intelligent men you’d ever meet. He knew about the power of forgiveness, and never asked for anything in return.
Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery