Mike reviews new Indiana Jones movie (spoilers)
Guest Blogger: Mike
WARNING: Mike saw the movie, so if you don’t want to read FULL INDIANA JONES SPOILERS, don’t read this post.
Hey guys, this is Mike. Well I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull today (ShogunMaster uploaded it via BitTorrent), and I gotta say I was kinda disappointed.
I seriously don’t think that Indiana Jones (now called Colonel Jones, WTF?) should be involved with aliens. This whole movie is about Roswell and Area 51. There was not a lot of homage at all. They did show the ark, and revealed that the warehouse is Area 51, but other than that, it didn’t feel like an Indy movie.
Part of the problem was how Harrison Ford kinda mailed it in the whole movie. I mean, he only had a couple of really funny lines, but the rest of his dialog showed that he was bored, and never once did we think he was in peril. No tension whatsoever. It’s like we were watching Ford instead of Indy.
Indy’s son is pathetic. There is NO chance he will be taking over for Harrison Ford anytime soon. The franchise is officially dead now, even though everyone survived. How lame is that?
And what was up with Indy giving villains clues for the whole movie? Seriously, the movie was like a parody. The actors were just having fun, and were in not in character.
Special effects- oy vey. They should have used CGI. Man, I can’t believe how fake the snake looked and most scenes looked like a sound stage or the Orlando Raiders stunt show.
Stunts- again, it seems like no one took this movie seriously. The stunts were so unrealistic and improbable. It was total satire.
Anyway, if you want a good laugh, see the movie. Don’t take it seriously. It’s OK, but it’s doesn’t hold up to the original trilogy. Sorry if I’m coming off ripping it, but I’m just trying to lower your expectations- this movie should NOT be in continuity.
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wow.well, i knew it. i may be
skipping the 99 cent
bin in 5 years.it doesnt even
seem worth the time or
trouble to even discuss it.
what is up with studios
just cashing out? meanwhile they
ruin the memories of the
original trilogy.this is just
like star wars.
im definately not going to
even bother thinking about
this movie.i guess eveyone involved
in it just wanted to collect the
paycheck.doesnt look like a blockbuster to me even though im
sure a lot of people will see it.
i told you i feared the scenes would get more and
more ridculous, and i was right.
the whole franchise was killed
in the third one (i still can’t remember its name) when ford and
connery were tied up, making jokes,
and miraculsy escaped.
i mean its okay for jackie chan
movies, but the original raiders was timeless.its a shame every
versions gets worse and worse.now here in 2008, ford is 65, and
we what sounds like a bomb.
no wonder i dont go to the movies anymore.
ill probably still see it.i saw the new rocky and although it wasnt as good as rocky 1-2, it was still ok.i don;t have high expectations for movies anymore (except the new star wars trilogy)which i did enjoy.
IS THIS REVIEW REAL?
well it does contain info that we can easily verify to see if mike saw it.speilberg and lucas have benn 100% tightlipped about details.this review has details.
SHIT DUDE I WAS LOOKIN FORWARD TO IT, TO
This review is 100% real.
who the #### is ShogunMaster?
They waited 19 years to release this?
Only on the internet can a trailer be reviewed, followed by a review of a movie that didn’t even come out.
In trying to prevent advance criticism by showing unrevealing trailers and gag-ordering the staff, it appears Spielberg’s plan has backfired. What a shame.
***
Stacey, let’s not forget the thread that started it all- “Indiana Exit Polls”.
to w.a.r.-
firstly:
YOU didnt know it.
I knew it
you didnt know it till i knew it first.
secondly:
its important for you to remember that jackie chan movies are all pretty good, except for the ones that have chris tucker in them.
three seconds of chris tucker talking is enough to make any movie he is in annoyingly unwatchable.
chris tucker is terrible.
I think so, so you have to think so too.
thirdly:
“and we what sounds like a bomb”
?
other than that,
not bad this time.
you might even be able to fill in for me when i am too sick to report my findings to the blogosphere.
keep up the almost good work you are doing.
Like I am going to take the review of a guy who watched the movie from a torrent download.
the true experience, be it Star Wars or indiana Jones HAS TO COME FROM THE THEATER.
Period.
It was made for the big screen.
Plus its the anticipation of the movie that builds its greatness as well.
All these spoilermakers just feed the downfall of all the once great movie and fiction lexicons that we have known and loved.
Shoo! Go away! No more spoilers until the movie is actually out please.